


I Can Be Your Party Band

by seonweonsonyeondan



Series: Party Bands [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Car Accidents, Coming of Age, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Tags Contain Spoilers, mentioned hyungwonho, side Kihyun/Yoongi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-02-12 17:16:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12964416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonweonsonyeondan/pseuds/seonweonsonyeondan
Summary: In 1999 when Minhyuk agreed to maybe sit in on a band practice, he never expected to end up joining a rock band.Or, the story of Hyunwoo and Minhyuk from 'Me Like Yuh'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Party Band' by Loco

_ 2007 _

Minhyuk scrubs his hands in another club bathroom, wincing when he’s a little rougher than he intends with his fingertips. He thought that after switching to playing an hour or two everyday his callouses would build up. He’s wrong though; each new gig seems to bring new blisters. He’s pretty sure he’s stained his strings red by now. His hands shake a little and Minhyuk chooses to ignore the increasing emptiness he’s starting to feel. Fucking post-concert lows.

Someone pounds on the door and Minhyuk winces and curses under his breath. “Give me a fuckin’ minute!”

“Hyuk, it’s me. I really gotta piss.” Minhyuk sighs, recognizing that soft voice anywhere. He unlocks the door and goes back to drying off his hands. Hyunwoo squeezes in and immediately whips his dick out to relieve himself. Minhyuk closes his eyes and breathes through his nose, not wanting to let himself accidentally stare at his bandmate’s dick. Again.

“Hyuk…are your hands okay?” Hyunwoo presses in close at the sink, looking concerned at the amount of blood at the bottom of the sink. Shit. Minhyuk meant to rinse that. He giggles and shakes his head.

“All patched up.” Minhyuk wiggles his fingers in front of Hyunwoo’s face, trying to make his grin convincing. Hyunwoo frowns and grabs Minhyuk’s band-aid clad hands. Minhyuk tries to pull them away. He just wants to get a drink and not be distracted by how  _ badly _ he wants Hyunwoo keep on holding his hands and maybe the rest of him as well.

“We should tell Ki and Hoseok. If you can’t play--”

“I’m okay, Hyunnie,” Minhyuk gives him a lopsided smile, tired and ready for alcohol and coke to perk him back up. Maybe find someone to take his mind off everything. “We’ve got three days off. I’ll be good as new before you know it.”

Minhyuk wiggles a little bit, trying to get to the door but Hyunwoo pulls him back to the sink. “Let me take a look, okay? You know I’ve got my fair share of blisters and shit too.” Hyunwoo takes Minhyuk’s hands back and gently turns them over and over. “We have a first aid kit in the van, right? Let me patch you up.”

Hyunwoo cradles one of Minhyuk’s hands in one large palm and Minhyuk’s face in the other. Minhyuk sighs and leans into the touch. “Okay. Just this once.”

 

_ 1999 _

“Minhyukkie, dear, say hi to Minah’s son, Hyunwoo.” Minhyuk’s mom pushes him forward towards the other boy. “He’s only a year older than you  _ and _ he goes to the same school as you.”

Minhyuk shrugs before his mom pinches him in the side. “Mom!” She nudges him forward again, eyes steely and daring Minhyuk to sass her again. “Nice to meet you, Hyunwoo.” --another jab-- “Hyunwoo- _ hyung _ .”

“Nice to meet you too, Minhyuk-ah,” Hyunwoo says, voice a little unsure. He stiffly extends a hand out and when Minhyuk looks up he has to resist the urge to laugh. The kid standing in front of him looks like a jock extra in  _ Beverly Hills 90210 _ , with his obnoxiously blue shorts and Members Only jacket. Sure, Minhyuk thinks he has a nice face, but the utter ridiculousness of his outfit is hard for him to get past. Is it even cold enough in the Bay for him to need one of those jackets?

“Nice jacket.” Minhyuk smirks, not hiding his disdain at all. But Hyunwoo doesn’t seem to notice. Instead, he just breaks into an adorable smile, and,  _ oh no _ , Minhyuk feels a colony of butterflies burst to life in his stomach. 

“You think so? My aunt gave it to me,” Hyunwoo says, still smiling, but looking down at his coat. “I like the colors, but my friends say it’s lame.”

“Uh. The colors…are rad.” Minhyuk scratches his head, totally uncertain of how to proceed. This guy genuinely likes his shitty jacket and Minhyuk can’t stop himself wondering what it’d be like to be hugged to death by him.

“My mom said you’re in jazz band? That’s hella cool.” Hyunwoo is still smiling at Minhyuk. Minhyuk glances around, trying to figure out where his mom went. She’s standing in a corner talking with her friends. When she catches Minhyuk looking over she juts her chin out, clearly pointing back at Hyunwoo. Minhyuk sighs.

“Uh, yeah. I am. It’s,” Minhyuk pauses, trying to think of a way to make him look less like a nerd. “It’s pretty lame, actually. But it’s the only thing my mom would let me do with music so.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Hyunwoo is nodding so enthusiastically that Minhyuk has to stifle a laugh. “I only joined the swim team so I could play with my friend in his band.”

“ _ You’re _ in a band? No offense but.” Minhyuk looks Hyunwoo over again. “You really don’t seem the type.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t seem insulted at all. What Minhyuk would give to have that kind of confidence. “It wasn’t my idea, but Hoseokkie is really convincing.” Hyunwoo walks over to a sofa and pats the seat next to him. Minhyuk chooses instead to perch on the armrest.

“Wait, Hoseok?  _ Shin _ Hoseok? The one on the swim team?” Minhyuk knows exactly who that is. He is, objectively speaking, the best swimmer and hottest human to ever grace Skyline’s swim team.

“Yeah! He’s great. His friend started a band and they needed a drummer.” Hyunwoo leans back and takes a drink from his soda. “It’s pretty cool. Plus, all the chicks like that I play drums.”

“Ah, yes, the  _ chicks _ . I know all about them.” Minhyuk does not, in fact, know all about the chicks. “They do seem to like drummers.”

Minhyuk fiddles with the edges of his flannel, now completely uncertain. Why’d his mom have to drag him along to this thing? Hyunwoo is the only person remotely close to his age. And Hyunwoo is everything Minhyuk isn’t: seriously attractive, athletic, and apparently straight.

Well, Minhyuk  _ might _ be straight. He just hasn’t had the chance to figure it out with anyone.

“D’ya want to come to a practice sometime? I’m sure the rest of the guys would be chill with it.” Hyunwoo’s face is so friendly and the way he’s sitting reminds Minhyuk of the guys his older brother hangs out with, confident and assured. Minhyuk feels insignificant in comparison. “Jazz band meets on Wednesdays right? We usually practice on Thursdays or Fridays, as long as Hoseokkie and me don’t have swim.”

“Uhm.” Minhyuk  _ wants _ to go. It’d be nice to hang out with people other than the band kids. Er, well he guesses it’d still be band kids, but just a different kind of band. “I dunno. Midterms are soon.”

“Oh shit, that’s right.” Hyunwoo sits up now, lips adorably pouted and eyebrows high. Minhyuk internally sighs; why does  _ this _ guy have to make him  _ feel _ things? “Well, maybe in a couple weeks? We’re gunna be practicing anyway. It’s good stress relief.”

“Yeah, sure,” Minhyuk finds himself agreeing. “I guess. Sounds cool.”

“Awesome!” Hyunwoo absolutely beams at Minhyuk. “When’s your lunch period? I’ll come find you and let you know all the details then!”

Minhyuk gulps before informing Hyunwoo about his schedule, ignoring the creeping terror of exactly what the fuck he’s agreeing to.


	2. Chapter 2

_ 2008 _

“We should do something, we need to be fucking out there!” Kihyun paces the floor, flyer crinkling even more in his tight grip. “We need to use our platform for something.”

“And this is the stand we want to take?” Yoongi leans back in his chair, watching his boyfriend with amused eyes, lips twitching with a concealed smile. “I thought you didn’t want to get all political like Billie Joe.”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes. Now Yoongi’s just baiting Kihyun; everyone knows about how Kihyun gets about the Green Day-Newtons rivalry. In that no one other than Kihyun thinks they’re rivals.

“You’re lucky I love you, Yoongs, otherwise I’d throttle you,” seethes Kihyun.

“Not like you don’t behind closed doors,” Hyunwoo mutters, mostly to himself but just loud enough that Minhyuk hears. Minhyuk chokes as he tries to suppress a laugh. Hyunwoo shoots him one of those smiles, the ones he only gives Minhyuk whenever he makes the younger man laugh. Minhyuk returns the smile, squeezing Hyunwoo’s thigh.

Kihyun narrows his eyes at the pair. “Whatever Hyunwoo said I’m sure I wouldn’t like it.”

“Absolutely correct,” Hyunwoo confirms. Minhyuk giggles, grinning at him. Yoongi snorts before shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

“So. We’re taking a stand. And we’re choosing…No? No on Prop 8?” Minhyuk grimaces as Yoongi spews crumbs as he speaks. Minhyuk knows he’s the one cleaning that up later when Kihyun and Yoongi disappear. “That’s the right one, right?”

“Yeah, ‘No’ is  _ for _ marriage equality and ‘Yes’ is  _ against _ .” Kihyun finally stops pacing and sits next to Yoongi. Minhyuk watches how they’re pressed against each other from shoulder to hip, with one of Yoongi’s slim legs slung over Kihyun’s lap. He glances at Hyunwoo and himself; other than Minhyuk’s hand on Hyunwoo’s thigh, they’re…not sitting very close. Minhyuk guesses it doesn’t really matter.

“So, we’re coming out in support,” Hyunwoo says slowly. “This is a shit bill.”

“I fuckin’  _ know _ , right?” And Kihyun’s up again, pacing as he throws his hands up. “We should play some rallies and fundraisers or something.”

“Can any of your fans vote?” Yoongi stuffs his face again. Kihyun sighs and crosses his arms.

“A fair few of them, probably. We’re not, like, a  _ boy _ band or something.”

“We’re technically a boy band,” Minhyuk points out. Kihyun glares at him. “What? It’s true.”

“Anyway. What I’m saying is I’ve already asked Hoseok to look into booking us for any fundraisers for No on 8.”

“You’re really set on this, huh?” Yoongi smiles fondly at Kihyun. Kihyun blushes and Minhyuk and Hyunwoo simultaneously gag. 

“Well, obviously. Two-thirds of the band are openly gay.” Kihyun sweeps into Yoongi’s space and kisses his head. A gummy smile breaks out over Yoongi’s face and Minhyuk pretends to vomit again.

“Uhm.  _ All  _ of us are kinda gay.” Hyunwoo plays with Minhyuk’s fingers as he says this quietly. Kihyun’s gaze snaps to their eldest member.

“What?” Kihyun looks between Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. Minhyuk feels his ears grow hot. “Wait. That wasn’t just…Are you saying--?”

“I--I’m bi. Er.” Minhyuk squeezes Hyunwoo’s hand encouragingly. Hyunwoo gives him another one of his private smiles and Minhyuk feels himself melt. “Yeah. I’m bi. And uh--”

Minhyuk giggles and takes this as his cue to snuggle close to Hyunwoo. His heart is beating so fast; they’d talked about it earlier and they knew they couldn’t hide everything for much longer.

“Oh fucking  _ finally _ ,” Yoongi groans. “You’re finally together.”

Hyunwoo nods, grinning happily. Minhyuk hugs Hyunwoo close and then Kihyun is hugging them both. “I’m so happy for you two. I’ve been waiting for this to happen since that first practice.”

“Oh shut up,” Yoongi laughs, making his way over to the huddle. “You were even more convinced of Hyunwoo’s straightness than he was.” 

Kihyun swats at Yoongi before pulling him into the group hug. They hear the door rattle before a quiet, “Uhm. What the fuck?”

“Seokkie, Wonnie, we finally told them,” Minhyuk shout-laughs over his shoulder. He can barely make out Hoseok breaking into a huge grin and Hyungwon shaking his head.

“What?!” Kihyun squawks, “They knew before  _ me _ ?”

“I’ve been Minhyuk’s best friend since middle school,” Hyungwon states matter of factly. “Of course I knew before you.”

“And I’ve known Hyunwoo since he first moved to Oakland. So that supersedes any claim you think you have.” Hoseok smiles at Kihyun before moving to join the rest of them in the hug. 

Minhyuk turns more into Hyunwoo’s body, feeling so loved and content, surrounded and accepted by his friends.

 

_ 2001 _

Minhyuk chugs the cheap beer someone hands him, finishing half of it in one go. He really doesn’t want to be here anymore, but Hyungwon is his ride home and he’s busy chatting up some senior and he’s definitely not sober enough to drive yet. Minhyuk tries to not look for Hyunwoo, but his eyes find him anyway.

He’s sitting with his varsity jacket currently being stripped off by his girlfriend. She’s perched precariously on his knee as Hyunwoo lets her strip him back to his shirtless state. Hyunwoo glances up by chance and catches Minhyuk staring. He grins at Minhyuk before raising a fist. Minhyuk nods before turning away to find another drink. 

If he’s going to have to watch the guy who confuses him so much get manhandled by a pretty cheerleader again, he might as well be drunk.

Minhyuk stares at the liquor selection on the kitchen counter, completely befuddled by his options. Where did they even get this? It’s not fancy enough for it to be a raid of the parents’ cabinet, but there’s enough for the whole school instead of the 50 or so people gathered. Minhyuk belatedly misses when parties were just 12 people watching anime together.

“You look lost,” a familiar voice says. When Minhyuk turns around he’s face to face with Kihyun. He cocks his head to the side and frowns when he sees Minhyuk’s expression. “You okay? You look…well, you look like you’re about to cry, honestly.”

Minhyuk snorts, “Yeah. Well.” He gestures towards where most of the people are. “It’s overwhelming. When we’re not playing anyway.”

Kihyun nods, walking over to the counter and grabbing a bunch of different bottles, pouring them into two glasses. He hands one to Minhyuk. “Totally. As soon as we’re off we’re back to being the weirdos. Well. Not Hyunwoo or Hoseok, but no one should be 17 and look like that. Not in real life.”

“Honestly, how are we supposed to compete?” Minhyuk glances back to where he’s positive Hyunwoo is. “No one is going to look at me when Hyunwoo is in the room.”

“Well,  _ I’m _ looking at you,” Kihyun says. He’s smiling, a little nervously. His cheeks are a little pink, but Minhyuk doesn’t know if that’s from the alcohol or from the cheesiness of the statement.

“Uhm.” Minhyuk blinks, suddenly very warm. Is Kihyun hitting on him? “Are you--is that a flirt? Did you do the flirting thing?”

“I was trying.” Kihyun grimaces, “And failing apparently.”

“No!” Minhyuk waves his hands, almost splashing his drink everywhere. “Uh, I just. No one flirts with me? Like. Ever.”

“It’s okay if you’re not interested, I just kinda figured I’d give it a shot, but like it’s--oh god, you’re not straight, are you? I just--I thought--Oh  _ god _ , I knew I shouldn’t assume--” Kihyun turns away, looking like he’s about to run, but Minhyuk grabs his arm. 

“Ki, it’s okay. I, uh. I don’t think I’m totally straight.” Minhyuk knows he’s blushing. He scans the kitchen, hoping no one could really hear them over the music. “I just haven’t--I haven’t, uh, explored, uhm.  _ Any _ option, I guess.”

“Oh. That’s okay. Let’s just--Let’s forget this happened, yeah?” Kihyun chuckles nervously, looking for an exit. Minhyuk gulps down his drink and pulls Kihyun towards the backyard. Hopefully it’ll be darker and less obvious for what Minhyuk wants to do.

“Where are we going?” Kihyun lets himself be led, stumbling a little when Minhyuk turns to the side of the house, looking back and forth, making sure no one would see them. 

“Is--Is it okay if, uhm, if I kiss you?” Minhyuk feels like his palms are sweating, but goddamn it he’s tired of not knowing. He can always kiss a girl another time.

“You wanna kiss me?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” Minhyuk feels panic starting to rear up, ready to gallop into the night and bring Minhyuk along with it. “Oh god, I--”

But Kihyun leans in and kisses him. Minhyuk freezes for a second before he realizes he should probably try kissing back. Kihyun’s warm and tastes like the weird combination of pizza and the sickly sweet liquor he mixed for the two of them, but Minhyuk thinks he likes this. It’s…weird and a lot wetter than he expected, but he’s not…opposed to it. 

But he really has no idea what to do with his hands.

Kihyun seems to know what to do though; his hands rest on Minhyuk’s hips, pulling the other boy flush against his body. Minhyuk freezes up again when he thinks he feels something poking his thigh but then he realizes that  _ he _ probably is in the same state.

He likes this. Minhyuk  _ likes _ kissing boys. Or at least boys that are Kihyun. 

Minhyuk loops an arm around Kihyun’s neck and tilts his head. That’s what they always did in the rom-coms his mom liked to watch. They tilt their head and apparently that means they’re more passionate about the kiss. It seems to be the right choice because Kihyun pulls him closer and licks Minhyuk’s bottom lip. Minhyuk shivers at the contact and hesitantly opens his mouth, letting Kihyun in.

This is even weirder, but Minhyuk finds his hips jerking a little. Tongues are gross, normally, and whenever he’s seen someone stick their tongue down another person’s throat, Minhyuk has always wanted to hurl. But with Kihyun’s tongue licking into his mouth, Minhyuk finds himself gripping onto the other boy’s shoulders. Minhyuk’s lungs burn from the lack of oxygen, but he doesn’t want to pull away from Kihyun. He’s scared if they stop they won’t start again. 

Kihyun pulls away first, panting and eyes a little glazed over and Minhyuk feels…something. He’s not sure what, but it’s  _ something _ . Then Kihyun grins so wide his eyes crinkle up and a giggle rips through him. Minhyuk blinks, completely dumbfounded as Kihyun hugs him close.

“Sorry. I--wow.” Kihyun pokes Minhyuk’s cheek. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing. You just. You’re so cute? And that was really nice.”

“I--what? I’m. I’m very confused right now,” Minhyuk mumbles. Kihyun huddles close to him, arms tight around his waist. Kihyun pulls back to take a look at Minhyuk’s face.

“Are you confused about kissing me or something else?” Minhyuk blinks and looks back at Kihyun instead of the fence five feet in front of him. What  _ is _ he confused about? He definitely liked kissing Kihyun and judging from the semi he’s currently sporting he probably wouldn’t be opposed to maybe doing other things with Kihyun.

But he can tell in his heart that he’d rather be doing these things with someone else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for major drug usage in the 2010 section
> 
> also uhhhhh angst. from here on out its angst city save for like 3 or 4 chapters. soz bruh

_ 2007 _

“Hey, Hyukkie?”

Minhyuk hums, eyes still glued to the TV as he tries to maneuver his car into the lead. Hyunwoo nudges him with his foot from his spot on the bed. Minhyuk yells when he loses control and crashes his car.

“Hyunwoo! I almost won that time!”

“Sorry,” Hyunwoo says, his face saying he’s anything but. Minhyuk glowers but can't hold it for very long, not when Hyunwoo looks…….unsure? That wasn't something Minhyuk was used to seeing.

“What's up?” Minhyuk watches as Hyunwoo stares off into some distant point beyond his head and waits. Finally, Hyunwoo sighs and makes eye contact with Minhyuk. He looks….exhausted, even if they hadn't played a gig in weeks and he wasn't working full time anymore. Minhyuk crawls back onto Hyunwoo’s bed and sits next to his best friend. “Hyunnie, what is it? Is it Angela again?”

Hyunwoo shakes his head, adamant. “No. No, it's not anything about her. That's--I'm not upset about that.” Hyunwoo stretches his legs out, breaking his gaze with Minhyuk. “I just, uh. I've been thinking--”

“Uh oh.” Hyunwoo shoves Minhyuk, small smile on his face as he does so.

“Shut up. I've been thinking and--How--How, uh. Uhm.” Hyunwoo grimaces and then shyly looks at Minhyuk through his lashes. Minhyuk cocks his head to the side, fighting how his heart beats so fast it makes him want to pass out. “Ugh, forget it. It's not important.”

“Nooo, tell me, Hyunnie.” Minhyuk playfully shakes Hyunwoo, grinning a little wildly. “Whatever it is, it's clearly important.”

Hyunwoo groans and Minhyuk Does NOT Watch how Hyunwoo’s new neck tattoo stretches when he tilts his head back. Minhyuk also does not lick his lips when the fleeting thought of what it'd be like to--

No, no, Minhyuk does not feel that way about Hyunwoo. Not anymore.

“It's. Ugh. Okay. Just. How did you know?”

Something like dread and something like hope trickles into Minhyuk’s stomach. “How did I know what?”

“How did you know….that you were, uh, n--not straight?”

Minhyuk stares blankly at Hyunwoo. Did. Did Hyunwoo, Hyunwoo the straightest boy to ever straight, just ask him a question about queerness? Hell must’ve frozen over because there is no way Hyunwoo isn’t straight.

But then Minhyuk sees how small Hyunwoo looks, how his shoulders fold in on himself and…Minhyuk understands. He can’t even imagine how it must feel for Hyunwoo, someone who has always been so sure about his sexuality and life in general. Minhyuk pulls him into a hug and strokes his hair. 

“It…was confusing. For me.” Minhyuk thinks back to being 16 and kissing Kihyun for the first time. He remembers…remembers wishing it was Hyunwoo. “I, uh, I kissed Kihyun and realized I liked kissing boys. Unfortunately, I didn’t like Kihyun like that, but that worked out, huh?”

Hyunwoo nods, the motion pressing into Minhyuk’s shoulder. They sit in a comfortable silence for a bit. “Obviously, it’s okay to not be straight. You don’t have to ever label yourself either. We’re all a little bit gay in this band. No one’s going to pressure you to come out or anything. We love you for you, okay?”

Hyunwoo huffs out a watery laugh and rubs his eyes with his wrists. “I. I know that everyone will be supportive.” He scoffs at himself. Minhyuk reaches up and brushes hair from his face, ignoring his racing heart. This is about Hyunwoo, helping his  _ friend _ figure things out. Hyunwoo scrunches his nose up before whispering, “It’s just really annoying not knowing.” 

 

_ 1999 _

**mInStiGaytor69** **  
** hey. hyungwon.

**_99luftballwons_ ** _ is away. _

**mInStiGaytor69**   
HYUNGWON   
i kno ur there jerk

**99luftballwons** **  
** WHAT

**mInStiGaytor69** **  
** help

**99luftballwons** **  
** no.

**mInStiGaytor69**   
:( pls. won kenobi ur my only hope

**99luftballwons**   
what do u want   
im not helping u with algebra again that was torture n u made a mess n u ate all my oreos >:(   
i was saving those

**mInStiGaytor69**   
u no that soph son hyunwoo    
the 1 on swim w yr gay crush hoseok

**99luftballwons**   
i TOLD u its NOT A GAY CRUSH I JUST APPRECIATE BEAUTY WHEN I SEE IT

**mInStiGaytor69**   
dats hella gay dude

**99luftballwons** **  
** im not helping you

**mInStiGaytor69**   
but hyungwoonnnnnnnnuuuhhusbhdjdjdjdksl   
u dont even kno wut im gunna ask   
wut if hyunwoo asked me which sad loser flutist is most likely 2 suck his good buddy hoseoks dingaling   
WHAT. IF.

**99luftballwons**   
thats not what ur going to ask me for help w bc u wuldve done it 

**mInStiGaytor69**   
no i don like penis won we talked bout this

**99luftballwons** **  
** u LITERALLY have gay in ur sn

**mInStiGaytor69**   
n i dont have the flute blowin lips like SOMEONE i kno

**99luftballwons**   
k. sure.

**mInStiGaytor69**   
:( pls   
hyunwoo seems to think im like cOo0L and asked me to come to his bands practice and i cant go alone wut if there r DRUGS or worse

**99luftballwons** **  
** ducks?

**mInStiGaytor69**   
wut no. GIRLS hyungwon. wut if there r girls there

**99luftballwons**   
then u die i guess

 

_ 2010 _

Minhyuk claws at his skin, frustrated by how hot he is, even if he’s only in a thin shirt and his boxers. He’s not entirely sure how he made it home, but he’s glad he’s in bed and he’s glad the rest of the band is still out. He rocks back and forth on his bed, still feeling like he’s burning up even with all the ice packs pressed into his back. He shivers again and considers stripping completely naked. It’s not like the rest of the band hasn’t seen him naked before.

Shaking his head, Minhyuk tries to focus. It’s been…fuck, actually, Minhyuk has no idea how long it’s been since his last dose. They finished their gig. It was a good one. Minhyuk remembers feeling really great and excited. And then they went out. Minhyuk took some coke. Drank some drink. Took more coke. 

After that it’s all kind of muddled. 

Minhyuk starts coughing and when he wipes his mouth he notices his hand has some red stuff on it. Well. Shit. That’s probably not a good sign. He tentatively licks it and glours at the taste. It’s blood. Definitely blood.

Okay. He’s had nosebleeds before. No biggie. He can totally deal with this like the mature 25 year old he is. He just needs. He needs--

Fuck.

Minhyuk collapses onto the floor, still shaking. He can’t see straight, can’t hear anything other than his heart beating at  _ least _ five times too fast. He tries to reach for his phone, tries to grab onto something to pull himself back up into a seated position. He can feel his jaw starting to seize up and  _ fuck _ where is his phone? He tries to pull his legs up and into himself but instead kicks out and hits their bedside table. He distantly hears a crash and wonders if he caused it.

God fucking damn it, it’s so  _ hot _ , but Minhyuk  _ knows _ it’s not actually that hot but he’s  _ so hot _ that he almost feels cold and he’s sweating like the worst fever he’s ever had. His hands feel so stiff and he doesn’t feel good, he really needs to vomit, he needs water, he needs--

Minhyuk does vomit, then, right there, all over the carpet and himself and he has never ever been scared of dying but laying there. Laying there unable to move away from his sick or even process anything other than his fear and heat strikes the deepest kind of terror in his heart.

God, if this is how he goes, if this is his end, he hopes it’s quick. 

“Hyuk? Minhyuk?” Huh, Minhyuk never thought God would sound like Hyunwoo. He figures that makes sense; if he’s bound for heaven, of course God would manifest as his greatest love. “Oh shit, fuck, Minhyuk.  _ Minhyuk _ , baby, can you hear me?”

Minhyuk groans a bit and tries to reach out to the vacillating image of Hyunwoo above him. His hand overcompensates and he ends up slapping the face above him. “Whoops. Maybe I won’t be going to heaven after all.”

“Minhyuk. Minhyuk, Jesus, fuck.” A hand grabs onto Minhyuk’s and he shudders, mind still disoriented and convinced that he’s on his way to death. “I’m calling an ambulance, okay? Please, baby,  _ please _ , stay with me. Stay--”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't do drugs kids.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey sexy times ahead

_ 2001 _

Minhyuk feels jittery, like he's got little insects in his toes. He keeps looking towards the door, not really sure what he's so worried about. They're alone, Kihyun had assured him. His parents are out to dinner and a movie and Kihyun loads up a movie but Minhyuk can't  _ focus _ . 

They haven't talked about it, the kiss.

Minhyuk doesn't know if he wants to. He likes Kihyun and he's worried if he tries to…do anything he’ll ruin whatever little friendship they've built. But he also wants to kiss Kihyun again.

“You're being really weird,” Kihyun says as he sits down next to Minhyuk. “Is there something wrong?”

Minhyuk tries to force out a laugh, but it just sounds like he's wheezing really high pitched. Kihyun frowns and pats him on the back. “What's going on with you?”

“I'm dying,” Minhyuk groans. Kihyun just laughs and kicks his feet out in front of himself. “Why are you laughing at my pain?”

“You're being ridiculously dramatic. Is this because we kissed?” Kihyun looks Minhyuk dead in the eye when he asks and Minhyuk sputters for a few minutes. Kihyun just watches, an amused smirk on his face. “It's totally because we kissed. You're the one who wanted to kiss me, Min.”

“I mean, yes, that is…true. That is a fact.” Oh god, Minhyuk’s made it weird. “I made it weird.”

Kihyun leans into Minhyuk’s space, smirk still intact. “I don't think it's weird.” Minhyuk watches Kihyun's eyes flicker down to his lips before meeting his eyes again. “I wanna kiss you again. And maybe do other things if you want.”

Minhyuk sucks in a breath and then Kihyun is kissing him. It's just as weird as the first time, but Minhyuk thinks he's got the hang of it. Besides, he's been practicing. Well, if kissing his hand counts. God, that's pathetic.

Kihyun is the one who deepens the kiss first this time and Minhyuk squeezes the other boy tight around his shoulders. Minhyuk lays back onto the bed and pulls Kihyun on top of him. Kihyun grunts in surprise before moving his hands back to Minhyuk’s hips. 

Minhyuk freezes for a second, totally unsure what he should be doing now. Kihyun pauses, pulling away to look at Minhyuk. “Are you okay?”

Minhyuk gulps and licks his lips. Kihyun’s hair is sticking up and his lips are spit-slicked and red. Minhyuk’s cock twitches with interest, but his heart beats as steadily as ever.

“Yeah, yeah, never better,” he croaks. Kihyun blinks and snorts, leaning back into Minhyuk and kissing him.

“You’re weird.” Kihyun grinds his hips against Minhyuk, grinning when Minhyuk chokes on his own tongue. “Feel good?”

“Uh, yeah. Yep. Real good.” Minhyuk yelps again when Kihyun grinds again. “Shit, yeah that feels--”

Kihyun kisses him and starts moving his hips in earnest. He makes little mewling sounds and it’s driving Minhyuk insane. When he starts matching Kihyun’s movements, they both let out loud moans. Minhyuk feels hot all over, his awkwardness forgotten with Kihyun’s mouth licking at his earlobes. That should be weird. But it’s only making Minhyuk want to thrust up faster. 

He’s never experienced anything like this before. He’s only masturbated and while that feels fucking  _ great _ , this definitely has it beat. And he’s confined to his sweats, not even from Kihyun’s hand. The fact that there’s another person  _ there _ , also getting off, has Minhyuk dizzy. He pulls his face away from Kihyun to watch the other teen’s face. 

Kihyun’s eyes are glazed over, bottom lip firmly between his teeth. He’s…beautiful, prettier than any of the girls Minhyuk’s ever had a crush on. Kihyun rests his forehead against his, breath puffing hotly against Minhyuk. Kihyun’s body feels good in Minhyuk’s arms, still soft with a hint of firmness. They’re both about the same width and Kihyun fits comfortably between Minhyuk’s legs.

Minhyuk wonders what it’d be like to have someone broader, firmer on top of him holding him down.

He wonders what Hyunwoo would look like pinning him down, rutting against him the way Minhyuk and Kihyun are humping each other.

The thought alone is too much for Minhyuk. He shudders and feels his warm cum spread with each of Kihyun’s thrusts.

“Did you just cum?” Kihyun’s eyes are wide and his hips stutter when Minhyuk whines a confirmation. “Holy  _ shit _ , that’s so hot.” 

Kihyun follows not long after and they collapse into each other’s arms. Minhyuk feels guilty. Well, he feels fucking amazing, but also guilty. What if Kihyun  _ likes _ him and they just got off and oh  _ god _ , Minhyuk is so fucked. He’s going to totally ruin their band dynamics and then their dreams of making it big will be dashed before they even got to play venues bigger than someone’s house.

“Are you okay?” Kihyun wiggles out of his pants and grabs some tissues. He drops a couple on Minhyuk’s chest as he cleans himself up. Minhyuk covers his face with his hands and lets out a long whine. Kihyun peers at him as he stumbles to his wastebin. He shoves Minhyuk’s legs as he sits back down. “Are you having a gay panic right now? I thought you said you weren’t straight? Is--Are you okay?”

Minhyuk whines again before nodding and sitting up. “Can, uh, can you turn around for a sec? I need…this is really gross and I wanna take my boxers off so I can clean up.”

Kihyun complies and turns his back. “Sooo, is this a gay panic? I like, can try to walk you through it?”

Minhyuk giggles deliriously as he strips and wipes himself down. “I don’t think this is a gay panic, no. It’s--I’m scared I may have ruined our entire future as a band with one orgasm.”

Kihyun bursts into laughter and shakes his head. “And I thought  _ I _ was the dramatic one in the group.”

“You definitely still are. I’m just--Ugh, I’m so sorry, Kihyun.” Minhyuk pulls his sweats back on and balls his boxers up. He scowls at them and shoves them into his overnight bag, praying the spunk won’t get on anything else. He really doesn’t want to have to explain why it’s all over everything to his mom.

“What are you sorry about? Are you worried about the dumb rule about dating your bandmates or something?” Kihyun turns back around to Minhyuk when he feels the other teen collapse onto his bed. Minhyuk groans and rolls onto his back and stares at Kihyun’s ceiling, willing it give him answers.

“Not--Well.” Minhyuk glances at Kihyun who looks a lot like he swallowed a lemon. Minhyuk sighs, “I like you, but I don’t  _ like _ you. And now I feel bad because I think I used you to get off when I’m actually really into Hyunwoo but--”

“Wait, what? Imma need you to backtrack a bit,” Kihyun interrupts, frowning. Minhyuk resists the urge to whine, instead pulling on his hair and rolling onto his stomach. God, Minhyuk is such an  _ idiot _ and he totally just broke Kihyun’s heart-- “Minhyuk. I’m serious. What’s happening here?”

“I--fuck, I’m sorry, Kihyun. I--I have a crush on Hyunwoo, not you.” 

“Oh.”

Minhyuk peeks back over at Kihyun. The other teen is sitting rigidly still and Minhyuk’s heart clenches. He reaches out, but hesitates before he can touch his friend. Kihyun stares straight ahead, teeth worrying over his lip and Minhyuk feels like the worst person in the world.

“Kihyun…” Minhyuk whispers, finally placing a hand on Kihyun’s thigh. He flinches before sighing and holding Minhyuk’s hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--Ugh, I’m an asshole, I’m sorry.”

Kihyun shakes his head and squeezes the hand on his thigh. “It’s really okay. I, uh. Uhm.” Then Kihyun starts laughing, like he can’t believe what’s happening. “I have this friend--And, uhm.”

Kihyun lies down, facing Minhyuk and gives Minhyuk a sad smile. “I guess the short story is we’re in a similar boat.”

“You like Hyunwoo too?” Minhyuk somehow feels worse knowing this. Kihyun’s so much prettier than Minhyuk, if Hyunwoo had to choose between them, there’s no way he’d choose  _ Minhyuk _ .

Kihyun snorts and flicks Minhyuk’s forehead. “No, dumbass. I just have a crush on someone I shouldn’t.” He rolls onto his back and lets out a long sigh. “At least he isn’t straight like Hyunwoo.”

Kihyun smirks at Minhyuk and pokes his cheek. “You just had to go and be into the  _ straightest _ guy we know, huh?”

“You’re not mad?”

“Maybe a little but. I’m really not.”

Minhyuk narrows his eyes and swings a leg on top of Kihyun. “Are you lying to me? I’ll tickle you until you confess if you are.”

Kihyun shoves him off and laughs at Minhyuk’s reaction. “I’m not lying! I’m not mad. I just…” Kihyun gazes at a photo on his bookshelf. Minhyuk can make out a picture of a younger Kihyun and--

Oh. Oh shit.

“Do you…do you have a crush on Yoongi?” Minhyuk gets a pillow to his face for that. He squeaks and covers his head from Kihyun’s attacks. “Okay! Okay, I get it, I won’t say anything!”

“If you do, I’ll break your fucking fingers, Minhyuk Lee.” Kihyun’s face is deadly and Minhyuk nods immediately. 

“I swear! I won’t tell anyone. Cross my heart, pinky-promise, swear on my Fender Jazzmaster!”

Kihyun peers at him; Minhyuk feels a drop of cold sweat drip down his spine. Then Kihyun firmly nods. “I won’t tell anyone about your boner for Hyunwoo either. Deal?”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im travelling tomorrow and have family times in the upcoming weeks so i dunno when ill post next??? probably this weekend bc i am IMPATIENT but we shall see. so pls be patient and all that. the rest of this fic is pretty much finished and we've got about 6-7 more chapters to go. hold onto yer panties loves!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: some cursing ahead.

_ 2012 _

Minhyuk winces when Yoongi slams his fist on the mixing console, the sound reverberating throughout small control room. Kihyun fumes on the other side of the glass, clearly wishing Yoongi would just--

“Why don’t you just fuck off?” Kihyun’s voice crackles through the monitors and Yoongi has the smarts to wince at his tone. 

“Get out of the fucking booth, Ki,” Yoongi snarls. Minhyuk glances over to Hyunwoo who looks as wary as Minhyuk expects. Kihyun flips Yoongi off as he takes his headphones off and then disappears from view. Yoongi sighs, arms raised above his head. He presses down on the button that lets him communicate with Kihyun. “Are we fucking doing this right now? Seriously? We’re on the fucking clock, Kihyun.”

Kihyun’s hand pops up, flips them all off and disappears again. If Minhyuk wasn’t fucking terrified of what might happen, he’d be laughing his ass off. But as it is…

Yoongi curses under his breath, spinning around to face Minhyuk and Hyunwoo. “We’re fucking done. Your fucking baby of a lead singer--”

“I can fucking hear you!” 

Yoongi rolls his eyes and turns back to the booth. “That’s the whole fucking  _ point _ , you insolent  _ child _ .”

“Child?” Kihyun is standing again, eyes a little wild. Minhyuk scoots closer to Hyunwoo, holding up one of his arms in front of his face, as if that will shield him from Kihyun’s very targeted wrath. “ _ I’m _ a child? Have you fucking looked at yourself? You can barely take care of yourself!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Yoongi stands up now finger pressed into the glass. “At least I know when to be fucking professional, you shitting cunt.”

“ _ Cunt _ ? Seriously?  _ Seriously _ , Yoongi?” Kihyun looks livid, fists clenched atop his music stand. “You didn’t even know how to cook fucking rice before we lived together.  _ Rice _ , Yoongi. You’re fucking Korean!”

“So what? We could just get a fucking rice cooker like a normal goddamn person instead of cooking it on the stove.”

“We would if you fucking contributed to the household. Or got your fucking head out of your dumbass video games. We’re not in fucking high school anymore.” Kihyun jabs at the glass. “Stop with the fuckin’--League and WOW or whatever the fuck.”

“Yeah, well, you still have no idea how to fix the toilet everytime it runs in that shithole of a house you all share,” Yoongi spat. Minhyuk feels Hyunwoo flinch; it’s usually either Yoongi or Minhyuk who fixes those kind of problems. “So who’s the actual adult here?”

“Are you fucking stupid?  _ You _ live in that shithole too, asshole.”

“Yeah, and how many times have I asked that we get our own place, huh?” Yoongi stands, face mere inches away from the glass separating them. Kihyun looks angry and hurt, eyes glancing over to his bandmates every so often.

Minhyuk sucks in a breath. Yoongi and Kihyun had been talking about getting their own place? That’d be fine, but--Why is this causing such a fight?

“You fucking talk about commitment but all you want is fucking  _ fame _ . You don’t care about anything else anymore.” Yoongi’s fist lands with a dull thud, barely shaking the thick glass. Kihyun stands on the other side, tears streaming down his face. Minhyuk wishes he could just disappear. They shouldn’t be witnessing this. He tugs on Hyunwoo’s arm, motioning for the door.

“No, don’t you fucking go anywhere,” Yoongi snaps at them. They freeze, sharing a glance before trying to inch closer to the door. “You should see this. See what our precious  _ Kihyunnie _ actually values.”

They can kind of hear a scoff come from the booth. “What I actually  _ value _ ? I value the legacy we’ve built. I value our  _ fans _ , making music that we  _ love _ . I value this band.” Kihyun spreads his fingers out on the music stand, clearly an attempt at calming himself down. Yoongi rolls his eyes again.

“Are you  _ fucking _ kidding me?” Yoongi barks out an incredulous laugh, “Sure, it’s about the  _ music _ . But what about  _ us _ ?” Yoongi gestures at Minhyuk and Hyunwoo before pointing to himself. “What about  _ me _ ? What about fucking our--our  _ future _ , Kihyun?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kihyun’s voice shakes almost as much as his hands do. Minhyuk’s heart breaks; he can see where this is going and he’s sure Kihyun can too. The determined set of his jaw doesn’t hide the fear in his eyes. Hyunwoo holds Minhyuk’s hand, squeezing reassuringly.

“It  _ means _ , genius, that we don’t have a future.” Yoongi’s voice shakes, but his face is just as determined. “You only care about what the Newtons can do for  _ you _ and not--”

Yoongi shakes his before head burying his face in his hands. Kihyun’s tears are flowing freely now. Minhyuk brushes his cheeks and isn’t the slightest bit surprised that he finds tears there. Hyunwoo isn’t fairing much better.

“You only keep me around because I’m a good producer. You don’t love me anymore.” 

“Yoongi--”

“No, don’t fucking talk,” Yoongi yells, spit spraying the glass. Kihyun flinches away, even if the glass is there. Yoongi’s shoulders heave, showing how heavy his breathing is. “I can’t fucking take this anymore. You keep fucking steering this band further and further away from where we started. I don’t fucking recognize this pop bullshit you’ve been writing. You barely look at me at home, we haven’t  _ fucked _ in  _ months _ \--”

“Says the guy checking out  _ interns _ ,” Kihyun spits. This time Yoongi flinches.

“And I  _ apologized _ for that, that was one time fucking  _ months _ ago--”

“And yet you’re producing his band’s album--”

_ “Because they’re fucking good. _ They’re the fucking future and you’re just burying yourself and Minhyuk and Hyunwoo alive with your played out, dumb as fuck, cliched pop punk.” Yoongi waves wildly at Hyunwoo. “Is this how you wanna treat him? After all he’s fucking been through?”

“I really don’t think--” Hyunwoo tries to say, but he gets interrupted. Kihyun punches the glass, his face distorted by all the emotions playing across his face.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Yoongi.” Kihyun glances at the other two members and back to his boy--well, probably ex-boyfriend at this rate. “Don’t fucking bring them into this. This is about  _ us _ , isn’t it?”

“Is there even an ‘us’ anymore, Kihyun?” Yoongi’s shoulders sag, hand still bracing him against the glass. “When was the last time you actually felt something about me? Huh? Something other than annoyance or anger or just professional bullshit?”

Yoongi’s other hand now braces against the glass; Minhyuk has a fleeting thought of how pissed the cleaning crew is going to be when they see the mess they made. Yoongi looks at Kihyun, looking utterly defeated. “We’re not good for each other. Not anymore. Not when all I want to do when I see you is scream and you just--You fuckin’  _ ignore _ me. We’re not partners, not in love or music.”

Kihyun sucks in a breath, visibly hurt like the words punched through the glass and straight through him. He blinks rapidly before wiping his face. “So what? What do you want, Yoongi?”

Yoongi laughs bitterly, shakes his head, and then drops his hands. “What do I want? I want the last six years of my life back, but I’ll take breaking up with you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Kihyun whispers, eyes wide. “Th-the last six years? Everything we’ve done? With the Newt--”

“See! There you fucking go again,” Yoongi snaps again, palm slapping the glass. “You don’t  _ care _ about anything else. I’m fucking done. We’re done.”

Yoongi grabs his things and turns to Minhyuk and Hyunwoo. “Pleasure working with you. Good luck with that prick.”

And then he’s gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning this chapter is sad. like. its really sad. its not the SADDEST chapter of this fic (thats the next one) but its sad. also contains brief mentions of car accidents.
> 
> if youre still sad and sad things make you sadder please dont read this chapter. just wait like 2 more or so. then its happy again i promise.

_2011_

Minhyuk gasps in a breath, the stale air burning his lungs. For a moment he’s disoriented, the darkness and soft static nothing like their room, but then his eyes adjust.

A nurse bends over Hyunwoo, injecting something into his IV. His eyes are squeezed shut and Minhyuk stumbles over to his side, trying to burst the panic threatening to bubble up. Hyunwoo opens an eye when Minhyuk grasps his hand tightly. The nurse gives Minhyuk a professionally comforting smile before turning back to Hyunwoo’s chart, marking down notes and his vitals.

“Hey baby,” Hyunwoo rasps, smiling a bit. Minhyuk chokes on a laugh, stroking his hand with his thumb.

“Hey, you dummy. How’re you feeling?” Minhyuk resists the urge to look Hyunwoo over again. He can’t bear to look at the casts binding Hyunwoo’s chest or the one on his leg and arm. It’s hard enough to see that the bruising is in that stage where it’s all ugly sick yellows and greens on his cheeks and right eye.

The doctor said Hyunwoo is lucky; the impact had done minimal damage and there was minimal internal bleeding. It’s just a few cracked ribs, a fractured leg, and an arm broken in three places. Just a broken arm for a drummer.

“Five by five, baby,” Hyunwoo cracks a grin and squeezes Minhyuk’s hand. Minhyuk shakes his head.

“Are you seriously quoting _Buffy_ right now?”

“I’m quoting Faith, if we’re going to be picky.” Hyunwoo’s smirk grows into a smile, albeit a sleepy one. The nurse clears his throat delicately, grabbing Minhyuk and Hyunwoo’s attention.

“I just gave him more pain meds and antibiotics. How’s your pain now? You said it was--” The nurse flips through his notes, “You said your pain was about a 7 or so when I came in.”

Minhyuk stifles the guilt building in his stomach; he should’ve been awake for Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo must have sensed it because he squeezes Minhyuk’s hand again. He gives his boyfriend a comforting smile.

“It’s down,” Hyunwoo slurs a little. “Probs a…like, 5. Nothing that will keep me awake.”

The nurse nods as he notes it down and then turns to Minhyuk. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

Minhyuk follows him into the hallways, softly shutting the door behind him. The nurse lets out a heavy sigh and then meets Minhyuk’s eye. “You need to go home. You’ve been here all day and you fell asleep in that chair. You’ll be of no help to him if you get sick too. He’s in good hands here.”

Minhyuk shakes his head, ready to respond when the nurse places a hand on his shoulder. “I understand you want to be here.” His voice is soft. Damn, his bedside manner is good. Minhyuk takes in a sharp breath, willing any tears away. “But, I’m serious. Go home. Shower. Sleep in your own bed or at least your own couch. Come back tomorrow. He’ll still be here.”

“I--I don’t want him to feel alone,” Minhyuk chokes out, refusing to meet the nurse’s eye. He’s sure the man is giving him a sympathetic smile. He doesn’t want to see it.

“He won’t be alone. He’s not in critical condition anymore. His infection is almost completely gone. He’s going to be okay. Go home.”

Minhyuk finally nods and that seems to satisfy the nurse. He wanders off to his next patient and Minhyuk quietly enters Hyunwoo’s room again. Hyunwoo glances up from his phone, smiling when he sees Minhyuk. Minhyuk feels his heart stutter and constrict in his chest and, _fuck_ , he is not going to cry, not right now.

“What did the nurse say?” Hyunwoo’s words are more slurred than just a few minutes ago. The pain meds must be the good stuff. Minhyuk’s fingers itch, wishing he could have--No. No, he’s not doing that, not when Hyunwoo needs him most.

Minhyuk washes his hands before brushing Hyunwoo’s hair out of his face. He cradles his boyfriend’s face in his hands and smiles softly at him. “He told me I should go home and shower and maybe sleep in our bed instead of the chair.”

Hyunwoo hums, eyes blinking open and closed slowly. “You should. I’m ‘kay.”

“I know, babe. My big, strong man.” Minhyuk tries to laugh but it sounds like it’s bubbling up through a shallow pool. Hyunwoo raises an eyebrow and strokes Minhyuk’s cheek. “Your infection’s almost gone.”

“Mmm, those lil bastards have nothing on me,” Hyunwoo murmurs, eyes never leaving Minhyuk’s. “‘M sleepy, baby. Go home, kay? Make sure Kihyun didn’t burn the place down.” Hyunwoo dramatically sniffs the air before wrinkling his nose. “And you _do_ kinda stink. You don’t smell like you.”

Minhyuk giggles and kisses the top of Hyunwoo’s forehead. “Fine, I know when I’m not wanted.”

“You’re always wanted by me.” Hyunwoo’s eyes look heavy, the medication in full effect now. “See ya tomorrow.”

Minhyuk places one last kiss on Hyunwoo’s head and slips out into the hall. He stops by reception to call for a cab, trying to calm his breathing as he thinks about getting into a car. It’s not that late, probably only just 11PM, but it’s dark enough to make Minhyuk worry.

None of this was Hyunwoo’s fault. He was just driving back late, picking up take-out for everyone after a late night at the studio. Minhyuk knows how Hyunwoo drives; he’s the only one out of the band who’s never been in an accident, let alone had a parking ticket. Hyunwoo came to a complete stop, waited a good 30 seconds or more to make sure no one was coming before turning.

And then, of course, someone had to run the stop sign, T-boning him and totaling the car.

Minhyuk’s leg bounces up and down the whole drive back to their house. The taxi driver doesn’t speed or do anything particularly dangerous on the drive home, but it doesn’t stop the paranoia in Minhyuk’s mind. He forces himself to take deep breaths, trying to calm down. It’ll be fine. Hyunwoo is _fine_. The doctor was sure his arm will heal perfectly fine and he’ll be able to play drums again.

Hyunwoo is tough. He’ll come back from this stronger than before and everything will be _fine_.

Minhyuk pays the driver and numbly walks into the house. He can hear the TV faintly coming from the living room. He briefly considers going in and seeing who was home, but. He’s so tired. He just wants to cry in peace, let the shower wash away the hospital smell. He faintly wonders if he’ll be able to sleep in their bed without Hyunwoo there to wake up to.

“Minhyuk?” Kihyun pads into the tiny foyer, wrapped up in a blanket and bags under his eyes prominent. “I didn’t think you’d be coming home tonight.”

“Uhm, both the nurse and Hyunwoo told me to go home.” Minhyuk shucks off his shoes, avoiding Kihyun’s eyes. “Hyunnie said I don’t smell like me anymore.”

He hears Kihyun sigh before he’s enveloped into a hug. Minhyuk feels Kihyun sniff his hair before he says, “Yeah, you smell like stale hospital.”

“What does that even smell like?”

Kihyun shrugs. “Not great. Do you want me to make you some tea? Me ‘n Yoongs are just watching crap TV if you want to join us before you go to bed.”

Minhyuk glances at the couch; Yoongi’s form is huddled under another blanket, clearly passed out. Minhyuk swallows thickly. He’s not sure spending time with them would be particularly helpful to his mood. “Uhm, tea sounds nice but…I think I just want to head to bed after a shower.”

“Of course. Well, we’re here. Hoseok and Hyungwon are somewhere too, but I think they’re asleep. I’ll make you some tea and leave it in…It’ll be in the room.” Kihyun gives him one last squeeze before letting Minhyuk go.

Minhyuk pads to their shared room, stripping quickly and wrapping himself in one of their fluffiest towels. He quickly checks his phone, not surprised to see a couple texts from his parents and then--

He frowns, picking it back up and swiping open his texts. There’s one from Hyunwoo, which, while surprising, wasn’t unexpected. The other is from his sponsor. Minhyuk blinks, trying to remember if he even told the other man what happened.

> **_From: Johnny_**  
>  Hey Minhyuk. Heard about what happened with your boyfriend. I’m so sorry. I’m here if you need me. Call me, text, whatever.  
>  _Received 11:57PM_

For some reason that’s what breaks him, a simple text from someone he only talks to every couple months. He shoots off a reply before he collapses into their shared bed, burying his face in a pillow and lets himself cry for the first time since the accident.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for drugs.

_2010_

Minhyuk is torn out of unconsciousness, sputtering and coughing, not quite able to breathe properly with a plastic tube shoved down his throat. He squints, the bright lights disorienting and slowly becomes aware of…of what must be water. He’s lying in what can only be described as a bath, filled with ice. His heart still beats just a little too fast, but not nearly as intensely as before.

Groaning, Minhyuk tries to shift, but his muscles don’t quite respond the way he wants them to. He’s so groggy and it’s hard to think. But it’s the kind of hard to think that he gets after a late night of drinking instead of the overwhelming fear of death or drugs thrumming through his system. He finally lifts his arms and picks gently at his IVs before gingerly pulling the tube out of his mouth.

He feels hungry, something he figures is probably a good sign.

Shows he’s alive.

“Oh my god, baby, you’re awake?” Minhyuk groans and looks over to the side of the bath, coming face to face with his mother.

Definitely alive.

“Whergh--” Minhyuk coughs, clears his throat before his mother shoves a bottle of water into his hands. He gratefully takes it and gulps down the water. It does nothing to lessen his hunger. “Where’s Hyunwoo?”

His mother stares down at her son, too many emotions running across her face before she resigns herself. Minhyuk feels a pang of guilt; he’s glad she’s here. He is. But.

Hyunwoo. Did he imagine Hyunwoo or--?

“I’ll call a nurse. They should check your temperature anyway.” She moves away, out of the room, leaving him alone.

Minhyuk looks down at himself and winces. There are bruises forming on his arms and legs, probably from whatever they had to do to wrangle him into the bath in the first place. He doesn’t remember much from after what he assumes was Hyunwoo finding him. He has the feeling they must have sedated him; that would be why he feels so fucking groggy.

He wonders belatedly how long he’d been out. The blinds are drawn, but it looks like there might be some sunlight fighting to slip through the cracks. Finally his mother comes back in, trailing after a nurse.

“Hi there, Mr. Lee. How are you feeling?” She smiles kindly at him, already starting to take his vitals. Minhyuk blinks for a second. Then realizes that, right, she asked a question.

“Uhm. Hungry?” He watches as she puts the heart monitor around his upper arm. She smiles when she hears that.

“That’s good. We’ll make sure to get you some food soon, okay? I need to take your temperature now, could you put this under your tongue?” Minhyuk obediently follows her every request, hunger and worry gnawing at him. “Have you had any discomfort since you woke up? How’s your breathing?”

Minhyuk swallows, throat still tender. He shakes his head no. He watches how his hand twitches as the monitor constricts. The nurse nods and jots a few things onto his chart, a small frown on her face.

“Your temperature and blood pressure are a still high, but not as worryingly high as when you first got here. We’ll move you from the bath to a proper bed soon, sound good?” Minhyuk nods, not really sure what to say. She smiles gently and pats him on the arm. “You’re recovering remarkably well, Mr. Lee. We need to keep monitoring your temperature, blood pressure, and glucose levels. Right now, I’m still a little worried about how high a fever you still have, but I think you’re on the right track.”

Minhyuk nods again, a numbness starting to settle in. The nurse finishes her tasks and gets ready to leave when Minhyuk finds his voice again.

“Is--” Minhyuk glances back at his mother, her eyes watching every movement. “Is my boyfriend here?”

The nurse glances back at him and then to his mother. “The man who came with you in the ambulance?” Minhyuk nods, vaguely concerned he’s going to turn into a bobblehead at this rate. “He’s here. He’s sleeping in the waiting room. Would you like me to--”

“That’s really unnecessary,” Minhyuk’s mother interrupts, jaw set. Minhyuk makes an indignant sound, about to argue, but his mother barrels on. “We’ll let him sleep and once my son is moved to a bed, we can tell him what’s going on then.”

The nurse frowns, but nods. “Alright…well, one of us will be by to check on you again in an hour or so, Mr. Lee. Try to get some more rest.”

After the nurse leaves, Minhyuk glares at his mother. “What was that? Why don’t you want Hyunwoo to know I’m--”

“I don’t want him near you. Clearly he’s the reason you’re in this mess. Look at yourself, Minhyuk.” She gestures at him with both pain and disgust on her face. “Being in that band, being with _him_ , what has that done for you?”

Minhyuk gulps, feeling anxiety starting to prickle into his system, his heart rate beginning to climb. He can feel himself starting to hyperventilate, something he’s pretty sure he should be avoiding right now. His hands are trembling and it doesn’t look like his mother even cares.

“You might be 25, but I’m still your mother,” she huffs, eyes a little wild. “You need to drop out of that band. You should reenroll in school and just become a teacher like you originally planned.”

Minhyuk feels his body start shaking again, stress getting to him. He shuts his eyes, letting a hand flounder around, looking for the nurse panic button. His heart--his heart is beating too fast again.

“I want Hyunwoo,” he manages to rasp. He knows his mother is shaking her head. He understands why she’s saying these things, why she’s blaming Hyunwoo.

“No, you need to listen and then you need to rest.” She walks over with another bottle of water. “Nothing good has come from that band. You’ve only lost sight of who you should be. Do you know how much you’ve hurt this family? Your poor grandparents, first dropping out of school and then taking up with _Hyunwoo_ of all people--”

“Mom, I literally don’t give a fuck.” Minhyuk wheezes a bit, finally finding the nurse call button. He mashes it a few times, gasping for breath. Someone asks what he needs and it takes him a couple minutes to find his voice. “Yeah, uh, my heart--breathing--uh, my everything,” is all he manages before he hears the voice on the other end tell him they’re sending someone over.

“Minhyuk? Minhyuk, can you hear me?” His mother grabs onto his shoulder, face getting too close to him. Minhyuk remembers Hyunwoo’s face, concerned and terrified right before he passed out. God, all he wants is to see Hyunwoo and maybe to rest. He’s so empty and sore without the cocaine hyping him up and he _needs to see Hyunwoo_.

“Yes, _mom_ , that’s the whole problem,” Minhyuk grits through his teeth. The nurse rushes in takes one look at the sensors hooked up to him and turns to his mother.

“I need you to leave. Your son is experiencing some after effects of his overdose and we need to deal with it.” Minhyuk watches the blurry image of his mother be escorted out of the room before the nurse calls his attention back to her. “Mr. Lee, I’m going to give you a beta-blocker and diazepam. These will sedate you and help your heart rate to slow again. Can you give me a verbal answer?”

“Yes,” groans Minhyuk, trying to not clutch the sides of his tub. The nurse nods, preparing the vials to inject into his arm. He winces a bit when they enter his bloodstream but after a minute or so he starts to feel it work. Another nurse comes in to help add some more ice to the bath. They stand off to the side, monitoring his condition.

“Excuse me?” The nurses turn their attention to him. “Could--could you tell my boyfriend I’m awake? I want to see him. And--and my mom--”

Minhyuk coughs a bit, feeling dizzy from the sedative taking effect. The new nurse is consulting with Minhyuk’s nurse; he hopes she’s telling the new one who his boyfriend is. Minhyuk clears his throat and slurs, “Please don’t let my mom back in. She--stress. Stresses me.”

“Of course, Mr. Lee. My colleague will inform your mother that you need rest as to avoid any further agitation.” Her tone sounds genuinely sympathetic to Minhyuk; he’s grateful she seems to understand where he’s coming from. “I’ll find your boyfriend and let him know you want to see him, okay? Just rest now. Take some deep breaths for me, if you can.”

Minhyuk follows her instructions, shuddering as he feels the ice cool him down and the medication slow his heart back to a similar rate from before his mother decided to distress him further. His lungs burn a bit as he takes in more air, but breathing gets easier the more he does it.

He hears the nurse walk him through breathing before drifting off to sleep. It feels superficial when he wakes up, but he feels better. Dehydrated and the hunger now feels like it’s clawing through his stomach and pushing acid into his throat, but better. Minhyuk blinks a bit before his gaze lands on a huddled figure next to the bath.

“Hyunwoo?” Minhyuk cringes at how ragged his voice sounds to his ears, but Hyunwoo stirs anyway. Minhyuk breaks into a huge smile as he watches his boyfriend blink adorably, eyebrows pulled together. But his smile falters when he sees the beginnings of an ugly bruise on Hyunwoo’s cheek. He reaches up and strokes over it, hoping his hands aren’t too cold anymore. Hyunwoo leans into his touch, taking the hand into his and kissing Minhyuk’s palm.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Hyunwoo’s voice sounds so tired, but his expression is warm and not at all angry. The opposite of Minhyuk’s mother, he thinks bitterly. Minhyuk gulps and reaches up to cradle Hyunwoo’s face in his hands.

“I’m so sorry, Hyunnie.” Minhyuk’s voice cracks and he belatedly realizes he’s crying. “I’m so, so fucking sorry.”

Hyunwoo holds his boyfriend’s hands against his cheeks, eyes also looking a little misty. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay, Hyukkie. It’s okay. You’re okay and that’s all that matters. We’ll get you help. I’m here, okay? I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Hyunwoo pulls him into a hug, not caring that Minhyuk’s still mostly drenched in cold water. He rubs Minhyuk’s shaking back and whispers reassurances into Minhyuk’s hair. Minhyuk doesn’t have the strength to hold back his sobs so he lets them rattle his body as Hyunwoo’s warmth starts to help him feel better.

Minhyuk keeps repeating how sorry he is over and over, hoping with each repetition Hyunwoo will know how deeply he feels it. Hyunwoo continues to repeat how it’s okay, how he’s just happy he found Minhyuk in time.

“But--Hyunnie. I--I hit you, didn’t I?” Minhyuk traces delicately over the bruise. “I did that. I _hurt_ you.”

“You were delirious. You kept saying you weren’t going to heaven and that if I was going to take you that I should do it fast.” Hyunwoo removes Minhyuk’s hand from his cheek and his expression is serious. “Minhyuk, I’m here, but--”

“I need help,” Minhyuk interjects. He swallows before finally meeting his boyfriend, the love his _life_ no matter how dramatic that is, meeting Hyunwoo’s eyes. He takes a shuddering breath before continuing, “I have a problem. I…I know I do. I’ve known for a while.”

Hyunwoo blows out a breath and nods. “We’ve all known, Minhyukkie. We just…”

Minhyuk steels himself, continues, “Didn’t know how to bring it up?” He slots his fingers between Hyunwoo’s, loving how they fit together. “I’m so sorry, Hyunwoo. I’ve let you down. I’ve--” Minhyuk tips his head back and stares at the stark white ceiling. “I couldn’t deal with feeling _empty_ and--and by the time we…I fucked up. I need help.”

“And I’ll be here to help you through it. I know the guys will too,” Hyunwoo responds so earnestly, like he’s worried Minhyuk wouldn’t believe him. “You don’t need this shit, you never did. We’ll get you help, get you back on your feet. We’ll make sure you don’t ever need it again, okay?”

Minhyuk blinks, staring at Hyunwoo, looking at how serious he looks. Minhyuk…is terrified, honestly. He’s spent three years filling the void created by his post-concert crashes with cocaine. He’s spent three years thinking that was the best way to pass the time between concert, after party, and then falling into bed. He wonders how obvious it’s become; if everyone else had seen how far he’d fallen.

Clearly Hyunwoo had. Kihyun and Yoongi probably had as well.

“I talked with one of the nurses. She said they work with some fantastic rehabs closeby.” It’s Hyunwoo’s turn to cradle Minhyuk’s face in his hands. “You’re _perfect_ , Minhyuk. You always have been. This is just…a hiccup.”

Minhyuk sighs and nods, lets himself be comforted by Hyunwoo’s ever present positivity. How had he gotten so lucky to have Hyunwoo? “Thank you. For being here.”

“Of course. How could I ever leave you?” Hyunwoo is so soft, even with his sharp tattoos poking out from beneath his hoodie. “You’re--” Hyunwoo gulps here, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes. “You’re my _person_.”

“Always quoting pop culture,” Minhyuk croaks before pulling Hyunwoo into a teary kiss. When they break apart, they rest their foreheads against each other, just breathing each other in. “I love you.”

“I love you too, you fucking mess.” Hyunwoo smiles and pecks Minhyuk’s lips. “Are you hungry? The nurse said you should probably eat when you woke up.”

“I’m fucking _starving_ ,” Minhyuk moans, letting himself pout. “And I don’t think I need to be in an ice bath anymore.”

Hyunwoo frowns exaggeratedly while pressing the back of his hand first to Minhyuk’s forehead then to his neck. Minhyuk stifles a laugh as he watches Hyunwoo press the back of his other hand to his own face. “I’m no professional, but no, I don’t think you need to be kept in an ice bath anymore.” Hyunwoo wobbles to his feet and brushes off his palms on the same pants he wore at the concert last night. “I’ll go grab a nurse, okay? Let’s see about moving you to a real bed.”

As Hyunwoo turns to walk out Minhyuk calls after him, “Thank you, Hyunwoo.”

“Anything for you, babe.” Hyunwoo smiles softly and exits.

Minhyuk settles back and stares straight ahead. He’ll beat this, not just for himself, but for Hyunwoo. He never wants to hurt Hyunwoo like this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crack is whack kiddos


	8. Chapter 8

_ 1999 _

Minhyuk tugs at his sweater, not really sure what the fuck he’s doing here. He hears Hyungwon sigh from behind him before his friend shoves him towards the front door.

“Would you knock already?” Hyungwon looks annoyed, though Minhyuk is positive that he has to be feeling just as nervous as him. For all his claims of not being into the sophomore Hoseok, Minhyuk has seen how Hyungwon watches him in their shared Algebra classes.

“Shhh, they might hear you!” Just as Minhyuk finishes saying that, the door swings open to reveal a short teen with poorly bleached blonde hair. Minhyuk’s never seen him before; he looks like he’s barely over the age of 11 or 12.

“Too late,” Hyungwon says dryly. He extends a hand out to the short guy. “Hi, I’m Hyungwon and this dumbass is Minhyuk. Hyunwoo invited him and he’s too much of a pussy to come alone.”

Minhyuk squeaks indignantly and smacks his friend’s arm. “Dude!”

The short guy snorts and takes Hyungwon’s hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Yoongi. I was told to keep a look out for that one.” Yoongi nods to Minhyuk who fights the strong urge to blush. Minhyuk opens his mouth to say something but then Hyunwoo’s head pops into the doorway as well, face lighting up when he sees Minhyuk.

“Minhyuk! You came!” Hyunwoo shoves Yoongi’s shoulder. “What’re you doing man, invite them in.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes and moves out of the way, sweeping his arm dramatically towards the interior of the house. “Welcome to Casa de Yoo. We’re in Kihyun’s room, trying to figure our setlist for some party this weekend.”

“Kihyun?” Minhyuk runs through the people he’s seen around Hyunwoo. He knows Hoseok, knows who most of the swim team is, and now he knows Yoongi. Who Minhyuk thinks is definitely too young to be hanging out with them. His memory brings up another shortish guy with delicate, yet sharp features. That must be Kihyun. 

Hyunwoo swings an arm around Minhyuk and Minhyuk jumps a little. He laughs loud and shakes him a little. “Don’t be scared of Kihyun. He’s hella intense but brilliant.”

Minhyuk nods dumbly, not really able to focus when Hyunwoo is pressed against him. They lead the two boys to a room towards the back of the house. There, Hoseok and the boy who must be Kihyun sit on the bed, a guitar in Kihyun’s lap. They’re bickering quietly over a piece of paper, Kihyun trying to grab it out of Hoseok’s hands, but failing.

“We can't play “Basket Case,” Kihyun. You know I can't play that bassline,” whines the sophomore. Minhyuk glances at his best friend only to see him standing stiff, eyes wide, staring at the way Hoseok’s swim team tee stretches over his chest. Minhyuk snorts.

“Dude, you need to learn the bassline. They specifically asked that we play it.” Kihyun sounds annoyed, eyebrows bunching together. “First you say it's too hard to play any RHCP and now you can't play Green Day? Hoseok, come on, man.”

Minhyuk gets the feeling this is a common argument between the two judging by the way Yoongi rolls his eyes as he pushes his way into Kihyun's room and takes up his spot at the foot of the bed. Hyunwoo steps into the room, sitting dramatically in the middle of the floor.

“Guys, come on. You always argue about this stuff.” Hyunwoo leans back on his arms. Minhyuk is flabbergasted by the way his heart seizes when he watches the muscles shift. “Hoseok, you don't even wanna be in the band.”

“Yeah, but you need a bassist.” Hoseok pouts, looking adorably put upon and Minhyuk has to resist the urge to coo at the older teen.

“Minhyuk plays bass.” Minhyuk punches Hyungwon in the gut. “Ow! What was that for?”

Minhyuk feels all eyes on him, the heaviest of which is Hyunwoo’s. He shifts from foot to foot, not really sure how to deal with this attention. Kihyun purses his lips and gives Minhyuk a once over. Minhyuk scratches his arm, feeling entirely too on display. 

“Oh yeah! You're in jazz band, right?” Hyunwoo breaks the tension first, smiling wide up at Minhyuk who nods awkwardly. 

“So does that mean you play bass in it?” Kihyun somehow frowns more.

“Uhm. Uhhhhhh, yeah?” Minhyuk stutters when Kihyun raises an eyebrow. What the fuck this guy is scary. “I mean, yeah. Upright, first chair.”

“Playing upright is totally different from electric,” Yoongi points out. 

Minhyuk scoffs, “No it's not! It's just oriented different AND I can play with no frets.” Minhyuk looks at Hoseok and points at the bass leaning on his shins. “May I?”

“Please, go right ahead.” Hoseok hands him the bass and Minhyuk fumbles around until Hyunwoo hands him the cable. The amp crackles a bit when he plugs in. He ignores how his hands want to shake and does a couple scales, checking if it's tuned.

“You wanted to play “Basket Case,” right?” Everyone nods. “Okay, I think….I think it goes like this.”

Minhyuk does his best to remember the song, plucking a few notes before finding the right fret and begins playing. It's not exactly the same, but Minhyuk thinks it sounds pretty fucking close. Someone joins in with the guitar and when Minhyuk looks up, Kihyun is watching as he strums the melody. Hyunwoo slaps his thighs, approximating the beat, grinning so his eyes scrunch up and disappear in his cheeks.

This is a feeling Minhyuk’s never felt while playing music before. Jazz may allow for some improvisation, but it's different, more  _ calculated _ than this. He doesn't have a conductor to check in with and the concentration is on only the two other people playing with him. Minhyuk feels like he knows exactly what Kihyun is going to do next and how to best compliment that. He tries to write it off as maybe it's just because he  _ knows _ this song, but that's not quite it.

They finish the song. Minhyuk goes to hand the bass back to Hoseok, but the older boy shakes his head, waving his hands in front of his body. “No way, man. You can actually play! I just didn’t want to feel left out.”

“What?” Minhyuk blinks, still holding the bass out. Hoseok must sense how confused the younger teen is because he gives Minhyuk the most reassuring smile and gently pushes the bass back into Minhyuk’s arms. 

“You’re  _ good _ , Minhyuk. If you want, you can play with us this weekend. See how it goes,” Kihyun says. Hyunwoo pats Minhyuk’s calf and gives him another big smile. Minhyuk ignores the stuttering in his breath when he makes eye contact with him.

“Uhhhhhhhhhh,” is all Minhyuk can muster. He looks at Hyungwon whose eyes are opened wide, like he’s trying to communicate solely through them. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhh? Can…I? Think? About it? I, like, just, have a lot of homework?”

“Oh my fucking god, will you excuse us for a second?” Hyungwon grabs Minhyuk’s hand and drags him into the hallway. He shakes his childhood friend and whispers harshly, “What the actual fuck are you  _ thinking _ right now?”

Minhyuk opens and closes his mouth a couple times before Hyungwon physically shuts it for him. “Minnie. Man. Dude. Weren’t you  _ just _ complaining how  _ lame _ you feel? That you’ve become such a huge geek and you’ll never do something cool?”

Minhyuk nods, swallowing nervously. He knows what Hyungwon is about to say; that Minhyuk’s always talked about doing something more with music, that he’s told his best friend time and time again that he wants to write music, to compose, to make people feel with a piece he composed, arranged, and performed himself. Minhyuk knows all this. He also knows that being in jazz band will look good on college apps but isn’t as fun as it used to be. Playing with Kihyun and Hyunwoo, even in that tiny bedroom, was more invigorating than anything else.

Plus, the added bonus of being able to make new friends, friends who barely overlap with his current social circles.

And…Hyunwoo seemed excited by the prospect.

Minhyuk worries his bottom lip glancing between the door, Hyungwon, and the floor. Hyungwon grabs his bicep and squeezes a little bit.

“If you really don’t wanna, it’s fine. But you looked so  _ happy _ , dude. You need to at least give it a shot.” Hyungwon looks so…concerned. And a bit soft, a thing Minhyuk isn’t used to seeing from his friend. “If you really don’t like it, I’m sure no one will hold it against you, okay?”

“Just…a chance,” Minhyuk gulps.

“Just a chance,” Hyungwon nods.

Minhyuk nods. Opens the door. Walks back in and takes a deep breath.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting close to the end friends. only 2 more chapters.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lotta dicks in this chapter friends.

_ 2007 _

The first contact is unsure and sloppy. Minhyuk doesn’t respond at first, worried he might spook Hyunwoo, but then Hyunwoo breaks away to examine Minhyuk’s face and--

Minhyuk finds himself pressed against the bathroom wall and normally this would be fucking  _ gross _ but Hyunwoo licks into his mouth and Minhyuk is pretty sure his brain short circuits from this fantasy come alive. Hyunwoo tastes too strongly of vodka and Redbull, an unsurprising mix considering it’s been a couple hours since the end of their latest concert. Minhyuk really doesn’t know how they ended up in here; his mind is buzzing from too many drugs and too much alcohol, but he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Minhyuk isn’t sure how long the kissing goes on for but when he trails a hand to the front of Hyunwoo’s jeans, the other man freezes. Minhyuk pulls away and presses the heel of his palm into what he knows is Hyunwoo’s cock. He makes eye contact with Hyunwoo as he drags it down, making sure to keep the pressure just on the other side of not quite enough. 

Minhyuk watches for any sign of panic, of Hyunwoo getting ready to run. At first, it’s undeniable: Hyunwoo’s eyes are wide and frantic, looking at Minhyuk’s face and then their bodies pressed together and then back at Minhyuk’s face. But when Minhyuk moves his hand to the zipper, Hyunwoo doesn’t push him away. Instead, Hyunwoo unbuckles his belt and moves Minhyuk’s hand to his bulge. He’s still visibly nervous, but Hyunwoo has clearly made his decision. Minhyuk gets to touch the dick of his dreams.

Minhyuk told himself if this were ever to happen it’d be anti-climatic. That Hyunwoo’s dick would feel not nearly as nice as it looked the times Minhyuk has seen it while living together. That it’d end up being just another dick for Minhyuk.

In a way, he was right.

But he was also very, very wrong.

Hyunwoo’s cock is very much like every other cock, except for the fact that it’s attached to  _ Hyunwoo _ . It’s like him; thick with a prominent vein running up the bottom of it with the foreskin barely covering the whole head. Minhyuk thinks it’s handsome, very much like Hyunwoo. It’s not very long, but Minhyuk knows, knows, just  _ knows _ that it’ll choke him just right if he gets his mouth on it. It feels so good in his spit-slicked hand and the way Hyunwoo grunts when he digs his thumb into the slit makes Minhyuk weak in the knees.

He chooses to not think about what this means to Hyunwoo. He’d rather enjoy the experience.

Minhyuk sucks on Hyunwoo’s neck, somehow finding the taste of sweat pleasant instead of off putting like he normally does, as he continues to jerk Hyunwoo off. Hyunwoo cages Minhyuk in and Minhyuk lets out a little whimper when one of Hyunwoo’s hands tangles into the hair at his nape. Oh  _ god _ , Minhyuk wants this. He wants this for the rest of his life, god damn it, he cannot deny how much he  _ wants _ this.

“Fuck my mouth,” Minhyuk begs. Hyunwoo startles and pulls away from Minhyuk a bit. Minhyuk squeezes his dick, making him moan a little and then Hyunwoo kisses him again.

“I--I dunno?”

“Please, Hyunnie,  _ please _ let me suck you off, I  _ need _ it.” Minhyuk knows he’s whining and begging but he doesn’t fucking care. He doesn’t  _ care _ , he  _ finally _ has the chance and he’s always wanted to know what it’d be like to make his bandmate fall apart with only his tongue, his fingers, anything, and now he has the opportunity. He’s not settling for just a sloppy handjob in a bathroom, he’s getting at least a sloppy blowjob in as well.

“Fuck.  _ Fuck _ , yeah, okay, lemme see what that pretty mouth can do.” Hyunwoo shuffles backwards and pulls his jeans further open, revealing more skin. Minhyuk wants nothing more than to mark it up, let anyone who gets to be in this position in the coming to days know that someone else has been there before them.

Minhyuk groans and falls to his knees. He jerks Hyunwoo a couple times, shivering when he’s rewarded with a pearl of precum. Minhyuk sticks his tongue out and licks it up. Hyunwoo lets out a guttural groan at the contact and Minhyuk is done. He’s done with any sort of preamble.

Minhyuk sucks on the head before licking up and down the shaft. He’s letting himself be sloppy; the time for being nuanced and creative can come later. He just needs this dick in his mouth ASAP. He feels Hyunwoo shift his weight forward so one hand pushes against the wall and the other rests on top of Minhyuk’s head. Minhyuk takes the cock as far into his mouth as he can, enjoying the stretch at the seams of his mouth. He only gets about half of it in, but he knows that he can get it all the way once his mouth has gotten used to it.

Hyunwoo’s fingers twitch in his hair when Minhyuk uses his tongue to push his foreskin away from his head. He swirls his tongue around it, paying particular attention to the frenulum. He feels the hand in his hair tighten and Minhyuk lets himself moan, enjoying how Hyunwoo is very much in control in this position. He sucks more of the length into his mouth, groaning at how  _ good _ it feels to finally have a dick in his mouth. Hyunwoo’s dick. God, the thought alone has Minhyuk dizzy with arousal.

He slowly starts to bob his head up and down, letting his tongue drag along the underside. His eyes flutter shut and he lets himself enjoy this. Minhyuk loves how Hyunwoo’s cock drags along the inside of his mouth and how Hyunwoo’s hips jerk, like he’s trying not to choke Minhyuk. So cute and considerate. Minhyuk stretches his mouth, needing more of Hyunwoo in it. One of his hands braces himself on Hyunwoo’s delicious thighs while the other wanders down to his own hard cock. He presses down, trying to alleviate some pressure that’s building there. It just makes him more desperate and Minhyuk whines high from the back of his throat. Hyunwoo responds with a moan and his hips shoving forward and,  _ god _ , that was hot. 

Minhyuk opens a teary eye and looks up at Hyunwoo. The drummer looks absolutely wrecked, eyes wide as he watches his dick disappear into Minhyuk’s mouth. Minhyuk gives a particularly harsh suck and watches how Hyunwoo almost doubles over on himself.

“Holy shit, holy  _ fuck _ , your  _ mouth _ ,” Hyunwoo groans, eyes still wide and vaguely petrified. Minhyuk pulls off with a pop and unzips his pants so he can reach his hand in more comfortably.

“Fuck my mouth,” Minhyuk demands again. Hyunwoo shuts his eyes and Minhyuk watches with fascination as he breathes in deep through his nose. “Come on, I can take it.”

“Shit, seriously?” Hyunwoo’s already guiding his dick back towards MInhyuk’s awaiting mouth.

“ _ Please _ , you have no idea how bad I want that.”

Hyunwoo lets out a noisy breath before nodding and feeding his dick back into Minhyuk’s mouth. His large palms cradle Minhyuk and Minhyuk pushes down the fondness he feels from that action. Hyunwoo starts slow, uncertain, kinda sloppy like when he first kissed Minhyuk, but he soon builds up a rhythm and eventually he’s figured out exactly how much Minhyuk can take. Minhyuk tries to keep up, sucking and licking when he can. 

It’s amazing. It feels so good, like he’s being used by someone who cares. Like Hyunwoo isn’t going to run away as soon as he’s got his kicks. Minhyuk lets himself open up further, letting tears stream down his face as Hyunwoo stares at him from above. Seeing Hyunwoo from this angle has his fist moving over his own cock. He remembers when he and Kihyun hooked up for the first time, remembers wondering what it’d like to be pinned down by Hyunwoo. Well, now he’s had a taste. Now he knows exactly what he’s been missing.

Minhyuk morbidly hopes his jaw hurts so badly that he can barely eat tomorrow, if only to remind him that he didn’t imagine this whole drunken encounter.

Minhyuk feels some spit trickle out the corners of his mouth and down his chin and he wonders if Hyunwoo will still think he’s hot covered in spit and cum. He wonders if Hyunwoo will even be able to look at him tomorrow. No, no not a good thought to have right now. Deal with that later, just focus on the glorious dick in his mouth, making his throat feel so raw in the best way. 

Hyunwoo groans from above and starts thrusting faster. Minhyuk whines again, fist speeding up on his own cock. With the visual of Hyunwoo falling apart and how with each thrust his dick chokes him, Minhyuk rapidly approaches his climax. He knows he’s making so many gulping and moaning sounds, but he’s too turned on to care. But then Hyunwoo pulls on his nape, forcing Minhyuk to look directly at him.

Hyunwoo looks wrecked. Like a man who’s been starving for months and has been presented with a feast of all his favorite foods. Or maybe, more accurately, like an explorer who finally found what they’d been searching all their life for. 

A gentle thumb swipes over Minhyuk’s tear-streaked cheeks and Minhyuk’s lashes flutter at the sentimental contact. “Are you close,” comes Hyunwoo’s gruff voice, so much deeper than normal. “D-do you want help?”

Hyunwoo’s pulled out fully, just resting his cock against Minhyuk’s open mouth. One hand still cradles Minhyuk’s face while the other lazily tugs at himself. Minhyuk blinks slowly, brain taking too long to process the questions. Slowly, Minhyuk nods, the idea of Hyunwoo wanting to  _ touch _ him too tempting to reject. Hyunwoo also nods and then his fist is moving fast over his dick. Minhyuk suckles on the head, tongue swirling again. He flicks the tip of his tongue over the slit of Hyunwoo’s cock and that seems to be the older man’s breaking point. Hyunwoo groans, low and completely undone. The first spurt of cum almost chokes Minhyuk, hitting the back of his throat. Minhyuk tips his head back and opens his mouth wide. The next rope lands across his cheek and forehead. Judging from the curse from Hyunwoo, he likes that. 

It’s filthy. It’s dirty, it’s messy, and Minhyuk loves it.

Then he’s being pulled up by his arm and being held up by Hyunwoo. One large palm envelops Minhyuk’s cock and gives a tentative tug. 

“Is…this okay?” Hyunwoo’s voice trembles as his hand starts to move. Minhyuk holds Hyunwoo by his impossibly broad shoulders and shakes. He shakes so much he’s worried his limbs will detach and he’ll fall to the ground like one of those ragdolls. God, Minhyuk is all kinds of fucked right now. He leans a little into Hyunwoo, momentarily forgetting his face is covered in semen.

Hyunwoo doesn’t seem to mind; instead he meets Minhyuk in a kiss as he becomes more confident in handling Minhyuk. His palm is a lot rougher than Minhyuk’s and,  _ shit _ , Minhyuk likes that. Likes how Hyunwoo’s thumb presses into his slit and drags along his shaft. Minhyuk whimpers and then he’s cumming all over Hyunwoo’s hand.

“Oh shit.” Hyunwoo stares with shocked eyes at his hand when Minhyuk finishes. He’s still holding him up by one arm, but he seems frozen in place, still staring at Minhyuk’s spunk slowly starting to drip thickly down his fingers. Minhyuk can feel Hyunwoo’s cum starting to dry on his face. With a grimace, Minhyuk leads them both to the sink, not ready to give up the warmth from Hyunwoo. He wets a towel and keeps the water running for the drummer. He does his best to get everything off his face, to remove any obvious signs of what they just finished doing. He watches as Hyunwoo numbly washes his hands.

Minhyuk’s never seen the other look so rattled. He feels a little sick, worried that because of this dalliance their friendship may have been ruined. He leans against the wall again. Minhyuk runs down a list of best and worst case scenarios here. Best case: Hyunwoo isn’t freaked out and their friendship continues as before. Worst case: Hyunwoo freaks out and never looks or speaks to Minhyuk outside a professional setting again. Scratch that, the worst case scenario would be Hyunwoo freaking out and it not only ruins their friendship but also the band. 

Minhyuk swallows, feeling how dry his throat is. He knows he’s on the comedown, both from the coke and the orgasm. He scratches absent-mindedly as Hyunwoo dries his hands and turns to face Minhyuk.

“That was…” Minhyuk glances at his feet before looking back at Hyunwoo. The drummer looks shell shocked; Minhyuk tries to tamp down the disappointment brewing in his gut.

“Enlightening,” Hyunwoo finally croaks out. Minhyuk frowns, not really expecting that. “I, uh. That. Uhm. Yeah.”

“That was very eloquent, Hyunwoo, very intellectual,” Minhyuk replies, unable to keep the exasperation from his voice. “Look, we don’t need to tell anyone this hap--”

Minhyuk doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Hyunwoo pulls Minhyuk back to him and kisses him. It’s softer, sweeter this time without the desperation of sex. When they part, MInhyuk stares dumbly at Hyunwoo, unsure what to do next.

“I--I, uh, am.” Hyunwoo searches Minhyuk’s face. “I’m confused. B-but. I just wanna keep--” Hyunwoo presses his lips to Minhyuk’s again, “I wanna keep kissing you. Is…is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Minhyuk rasps. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i lied last chapter there are 2 more chapters from NOW.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you thought the angst was over? well you were wrong.
> 
> so was i apparently.

_ 2012 _

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck,” Minhyuk takes a breath. And then,  _ “Fuck.” _

He stares at his hands. Jesus, what the fuck was he thinking? What the  _ fuck _ was he doing here, of all places?  _ Here _ , meeting with his old dealer. With a small baggie feeling like a boulder weighing down his jacket pocket. 

What the fuck is he thinking?

He speed walks away, the deal already done. It’s late. He shouldn't be out. It’s not like they had played a gig today. They had just been in the studio, Kihyun storming in and out, snapping at the poor new producer. It was a stressful day, but everything’s been stressful since Yoongi left. 

Coke doesn’t solve stress.

Minhyuk knows this.

He has a prescription for some nice, calming weed. He’s got a nice, strong indica back home. Home where the rest of his friends are sleeping. Where Hyunwoo is sleeping. 

What the fuck is Minhyuk  _ doing _ .

“ _ Fuck _ .” Minhyuk finds a park and sits on the bench. It’s so late. Anyone passing him by would probably think he’s up to no good. He turns the baggie over and over and over and over and over in his pocket, fingertips itching. They briefly brush over cold metal and instead of pulling out the bag of drugs like he planned, Minhyuk pulls out the medallion. He brushes his thumb over the engraved II in the center. He remembers the ceremony. Two years sober. Johnny had grinned so wide as he presented him the medallion. He remembers Hyunwoo’s proud smile. How happy everyone was.

_ Time Equals Miracles. Recovery Equals Life. _

Minhyuk groans and shoves it back into his pocket. He stands back up. He walks to his car. Gets in. Drops his head onto the steering wheel and lets out another pitiful groan. He should call Johnny. It might take a couple tries considering how late it is, but Minhyuk knows he’d answer within three attempts. He really should. That’s what Johnny is there for. That’s literally the whole point of his and Johnny’s friendship.

Minhyuk tosses his phone into the backseat and backs out of his parking spot. Maybe if he drives for a bit, maybe if he clears his head. Maybe if he can find a quiet spot overlooking the city and he just. Breathes for a bit. Maybe that’ll fix things.

Minhyuk drives towards the lake on the edge of downtown Oakland. It’s a stupid idea. He shouldn’t be anywhere  _ near _ here. It’s not like it’s a sketchy part of town; far from it. But. He should just drive back to Alameda, back to his bed, and flush the drugs down the toilet. 

But he also knows there’s a bar that’s still open and there he won’t be recognized and their bathroom wasn’t encrusted with shit and piss. It’d be easy to get a drink and then do a line. Just one. Nothing more than that. Then he can throw the rest of the drugs away. Or.

Well. He  _ did _ pay an awful lot of money for this small baggie. What would be the harm in keeping it? Stashing it away, as it were. For a rainy day. That’s okay. Totally fine. He has self-control. He’s not the same kid he was before. He’s 27 now. The past two years have shown him exactly how strong he is and how much he’s learned over the years.

Minhyuk just needs some familiarity. Can anyone blame him? No. Of course not.

It’s so easy to find a parking spot, like Minhyuk is meant to be wandering into this bar so late at night. The neon sign glows happily, beckoning him in with promises with revelry. It’s fine. It’s all really fine, really. Minhyuk pushes the door open and walks over to the bar, fingers drumming against the sticky surface.

It’s been a while since he’s been here. Not much has changed. Some of the decor is different, no doubt switched out purely because someone got too drunk and broke it. It’s dark enough and empty enough hopefully he won’t be bothered too much.

After ordering a beer he wanders to a corner, fingers tapping restlessly at the glass. He pats his pockets down before remembering he left his phone in the car. Minhyuk absently hopes it’s out of sight before downing his drink. He clinks the medallion onto the table in front of him. Minhyuk traces over the II again.

Two years.

Two. Years.

He’s been sober, more or less, for two years. Other than alcohol and weed, Minhyuk’s clean. No LSD. No MDMA. No shrooms. And definitely no cocaine. And it’s been fine, it’s been great. Well. Except for Hyunwoo’s accident and the possible disintegration of everything they’ve worked for with Yoongi and Kihyun’s breakup. But it’s been  _ fine _ discounting those two big things. Minhyuk knows he doesn’t need coke to have a good time or to unwind anymore. He can totally just do this as a one time thing and totally walk away from it again.

Minhyuk gulps.

He doesn’t believe himself either.

“Excuse me?” Minhyuk looks up from the table to find a young man standing in front of him. Minhyuk just blinks at the kid. “Uh, this might be awkward, but, uh. Are you Minhyuk Lee? From the Newtons?”

Minhyuk continues to stare, inner turmoil roaring louder than the nervous kid in front of him. The young man shifts uncomfortably, hand ruffling his hair. “Sorry, I--I don’t mean to bother you or anything. I, uh. I just really like your music.”

“Oh.” Minhyuk slides the medallion back into his pocket. He pointedly ignores when his fingers brush over plastic again. “Oh, thank you. Sorry. It’s. It’s been a long day.”

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I should have realized--of course, I just. Uhm. Yeah, you guys are great. Just wanted you to know how much your music means to me.” The kid turns around and starts to walk away. Minhyuk sighs and closes his eyes but then he hears the chair across from his scrape across the floor and he peeks one eye open. “Okay, I know you don’t know me at all but. I just really. I really wanted to thank you.”

“What?” Minhyuk frowns and cocks his head to the side. The kid lets out a shuddery laugh, like he’s beyond nervous, maybe a little drunk.

“Yeah. Uhm, I’m sure you hear it all the time. But really. Your music  _ saved _ me, dude.” Ah, definitely drunk then. Minhyuk can hear the slight slur now. “And-and hearing. Hearing how you went into treatment.”

Minhyuk doesn’t want to be hearing this. The cocaine feels like it’s burning through his jacket now, like the more this guy talks, the more likely it is he’ll be exposed as the fraud he is.

“Hearing that you, uhm. That you were able to kick your addiction. Hearing that really helped me. I’ve been going to NA meetings for 6 months now.” The kid pulls out a copper medallion, one with a kettle on it. Minhyuk recognizes it. He has one too, somewhere in his and Hyunwoo’s dresser. It’s the first one he got as soon as he got out of rehab. “It’s  _ hard _ , oh my god. But. It’s been like. Two years or whatever for you. And look at you.”

The kid gestures at Minhyuk then, beaming at him and honestly. Minhyuk feels so bad. So fake. But the kid is so sweet, his eagerness so touching. Minhyuk lets out a breathy chuckle and shakes his head. “I’m not that great, kid.”

“But you  _ are _ .” His eyes are so wide. He looks like a puppy. Minhyuk coos a little and pats the kid’s hand.

“I’m not. I just--” Minhyuk already regrets what he’s about to say, “I just take it one day at a time.”

The kid throws his head back and laughs, drawing looks from some of the other patrons. “Yeah, that’s what my sponsor keeps telling me. ‘One day at a time, Jungkook. It gets easier if you just take it a day at a time,’ she says.”

“It, uh,” Minhyuk swallows. He can feel the baggie still burning a hole in his pocket. “It’s pretty true.” 

The kid, Jungkook, Minhyuk supposes, nods thoughtfully, eyes far away as he apparently thinks over what Minhyuk has said. His eyes snapback to Minhyuk and he points at him. “My sponsor says that until you pass five years relapses are really high. Have, uh--”

“That’s kind of a personal question,” Minhyuk cuts in. The kid recoils a little, like those words struck him across the face. Minhyuk sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m. I’m stressed out. It’s been a rough week.”

Jungkook nods seriously. “I’ve heard rumors. Uhm. Not that that’s any of my business either.”

Minhyuk watches the kid pout and he smiles and pats the kid’s cheek. “I’m sorry for snapping. My coping mechanisms haven’t been very good these days. They’re not quite enough. It’ll be fine.”

Minhyuk sighs and stands up. The kid scrambles up too, eyes looking like they’re about to pop out of his head. “Calm down. I just need to take a piss.”

He gently moves around Jungkook and heads into the bathroom. He wouldn’t necessarily call it a familiar one, but Minhyuk knows he’s been here many times. Usually too fucked up to remember. But he’s been here if his sloppily carved signature on the wall is any indication. 

Minhyuk pulls out both the baggie and the medallion and places them on the counter between the sinks. He ignores them for the time being as he splashes water onto his face in hopes of clearing his mind. It’s only gotten louder in there since the kid came up to him. It feels a lot like a sign that Minhyuk shouldn’t go through with this, that he should just flush the drugs down the toilet instead of potentially ruining all his progress. Minhyuk pulls his wallet out and digs out the crumpled contact card with Johnny’s info on it and two credit cards. He stares at the items on the counter, heart racing. 

He should call Johnny. He doesn’t want this. Minhyuk knows in the harsh light of day he won’t be able to forgive himself.

And Hyunwoo. God, he can’t put Hyunwoo through this again.

_ Time Equals Miracles. Recovery Equals Life. _

“One day at a time,” scoffs Minhyuk, stuffing everything back into his pockets except for Johnny’s information. He walks back to his table half-hoping, expecting, the kid to be gone. But the kid is just sitting there, tapping away on his phone. He has a half-drunk glass of water gripped loosely in his free hand. Good to see the kid is responsible. When Minhyuk approaches, Jungkook stumbles back up.

“I have a favor to ask,” Minhyuk begins.

“Yes!” Jungkook squawks a bit, making Minhyuk laugh.

“You don’t even know what I’m about to ask.”

“I mean. Well. Uhm.” Poor kid. “As long as it’s not  _ illegal _ .”

Minhyuk waves a hand. “Oh god no, my days of illegal shit is over. I just need to borrow your phone. I forgot mine. I--”

Jungkook looks at him expectantly, hand already being offered to Minhyuk. The kid’s eyes soften, like he seems to understand what Minhyuk is about to say.

“You can use it, dude. No worries. My friends know where I am.”

Minhyuk gives Jungkook a grateful smile and walks outside. He hopes he can get through to Johnny. They might not be able to meet up tonight, but tomorrow. He knows both he and Johnny can make time tomorrow. 

The phone rings once, twice, four times before going to voicemail. Minhyuk glances at the time and winces. It’s close to 4AM. There’s definitely no way Johnny will be awake. Minhyuk calls again anyway, this time leaving a voicemail. 

He walks back into the bar but Jungkook isn’t alone anymore. There are a couple of other kids who look about the same age as him. Minhyuk has a feeling at least two of them aren’t legally allowed to be here.

“Here you go. Well. I should get going.” Minhyuk gives Jungkook a playful glare. “You should too, you’re barely old enough to be here.”

Jungkook flushes quickly as Minhyuk laughs. Minhyuk waves and turns to leave but then Jungkook yells, “Wait! Can we take a selfie? My friend is going to  _ freak out _ that I met you.”

Minhyuk grins and shrugs. “Sure, why not. You helped me out.”

 

When Minhyuk finally crawls into bed it’s close to 5AM. He left the coke in the car, not wanting the temptation so close to him when he’s tired. Minhyuk doesn’t feel the desire as strongly anymore, but…he can’t quite shake the prickling feeling that he  _ needs _ it. 

Hyunwoo makes a discontent sound as Minhyuk wiggles to get comfortable. Hyunwoo immediately drapes and arm around Minhyuk’s waist and pulls him close. He nuzzles into MInhyuk’s neck, breathing deep. Minhyuk lifts his hand and kisses it gently with a smile.

“Where’re you?” Hyunwoo’s voice surprises him. Minhyuk jerks a little before sighing and settling back into Hyunwoo’s arms.

“I…” Minhyuk considers lying. Considers saying he just went for a drive to relieve stress. He knows how stupid that is, considering Minhyuk still sometimes gets panic attacks at night while driving ever since--Well, ever since Hyunwoo’s accident.

Hyunwoo shifts and brings Minhyuk’s face closer to his. His eyes sleepily scan Minhyuk’s face before he sighs and rolls away. 

“Hyunnie…” Minhyuk presses his chest to Hyunwoo’s back and kisses his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“You wouldn’t have done whatever it is you don’t want to tell me if it wasn’t bad.” Hyunwoo’s voice is tight, strained, but he hasn’t moved away from Minhyuk. Small victories.

“I called Johnny. I--” MInhyuk gulps. “I’m scared. And. And I did something stupid. It’s a mistake and I need--”

Hyunwoo flips over and stares at Minhyuk’s face. “Did you do it?”

“What?”

“Did you take any coke? Tonight?” Hyunwoo looks like he’s bracing himself and it’s breaking Minhyuk’s heart all over again.

“ _ No _ , no I didn’t, I promise.” Minhyuk watches how Hyunwoo’s face softens with relief. “But…”

“For fucks sake, Hyukkie,” Hyunwoo groans. “If you didn’t take it,  _ what _ , exactly, did you do?”

“I bought some. And left it in our car.”

Hyunwoo sits up and stares Minhyuk down before letting himself flop back onto the bed. “I’m glad you called Johnny. Just. You’re scaring me again.”

“I know,” whispers Minhyuk. “I’m sorry.”

Hyunwoo sighs and caresses Minhyuk’s cheek. “Just. Throw that shit away, okay? I’ll even do it for you if you need. You don’t--”

“Need it. I know.” Minhyuk leans into the familiar touch and lets it ground him further. He kisses Hyunwoo and burrows into his arms, content to breathe him in and let that lull him to sleep.

One day at a time.

_ Time Equals Miracles. Recovery Equals Life. _

Tomorrow is a new day. Minhyuk can start over again tomorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for sexy times towards the end bc im me and of course they fuck in the final chapter.

_2015_

“Do you have the rings,” Minhyuk asks for the sixth time in as many minutes. Kihyun huffs out a breath through his nose and shoves both velvet boxes in Minhyuk’s face.

“For the _sixth time_ , yes, I have the rings.” Kihyun slips the boxes back into his pockets. He smooths Minhyuk’s lapel down and adjusts the navy cravat. “Everything is fine and taken care of. That’s why you hired Krystal.” Kihyun gestures to the very well put together woman talking with the caterer. “Just. Calm down. Do you need a joint? No one would blame you for taking the edge off.”

Minhyuk shakes his head. “I probably shouldn’t. I don’t want my eyes to be red in the photos.”

“That’s what Photoshop is for, hun,” Kihyun teases. “Besides, you’re going to cry anyway. No one would know. Well. Hyunwoo would, but you two are scarily in sync.”

“Where is Hyunwoo?” Minhyuk starts towards the door before Hyungwon grabs him by the shoulders and steers him back to a chair. “Wonwonnie, can’t I go see my husband?”

“He’s not officially your husband yet,” Hyungwon comments dryly. “It’s bad luck to see him before the wedding.”

“I thought that only counts for the Straights.”

“You totally said ‘straights’ with a capital ‘S,’ didn’t you,” Hyungwon sighs, exchanging a look with Kihyun. The older man shrugs, face totally perplexed. “Look, Hyukkie, you gotta take some deep breaths. We’ve got 40 more minutes and then you two will be officially married in the eyes of the government.”

“Screw the government,” Minhyuk whines and stares at the door leading to the stairs to the small room where their friends and family are probably waiting. His hands are trembling with nerves and he fights the urge to pick at his skin. He’s so excited. He also feels like he’s going to hurl as soon as he sees Hyunwoo.

He watches Hyungwon and Kihyun chat with the wedding planner, Kihyun probably comparing notes with her. Weirdo. He thinks about how long he’s known Hyunwoo now, how much they’ve gone through as friends and then partners. They’ve worked so hard to get here. Minhyuk feels himself tear up so he frantically flaps his hands by his eyes.

“Don’t you fucking cry and ruin my hard work,” he hears the makeup artist snap. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head.

“I’m not gunna cry, I’m not. Not until the ceremony,” Minhyuk chants over and over.

“Good,” she says and then he feels her hand on his shoulder. “Though, I did make sure it's as waterproof as possible.”

“You're a saint, Wendy,” Minhyuk shouts and grabs her into a hug. She seems surprised but just pats him on the back. “You've made me such a beautiful bride!”

“Uh, that is my job. Glad you agree.” Wendy examines his face and does some touch ups. Minhyuk sighs and does his best to calm down. Hyungwon silently dropped Minhyuk’s DS into his best friend’s lap.

“Here. You’re stressing yourself out. Play Mario or whatever.” Hyungwon pats Minhyuk on the shoulder before wandering off. Minhyuk stares at his lap before finally switching it on. He lets himself get lost in the game and soon he’s forgotten about why he’s so anxious. Hyungwon taps him on the shoulder, a small smile on his face and that’s when Minhyuk remembers. His stomach churns.

“Is it time?”

“It is. You’ve been yelling at that game for a good 30 minutes. Let’s go.” Hyungwon takes the DS and drops it into Minhyuk’s duffle. Minhyuk hops in place by the door, waiting for Hyungwon to lead him out. “You ready?”

Minhyuk nods, watching as Hyungwon leads him to the stairs. He can hear the strains of Bright Eyes’ “First Day of My Life” filtering up to them. They arrive at the top of the stairs and on the other side is Hyunwoo. Minhyuk sucks in a breath and feels the tears tickle the corners of his eyes already. Hoseok stands off to the side next to Hyunwoo, looking constipated and if Minhyuk wasn’t so totally preoccupied with how beautiful Hyunwoo looks, he’d crack a joke. As it is, Minhyuk can barely function knowing that he is finally marrying his best friend.

Hyungwon leans in and whispers, “Don’t cry yet. I have a bet with Kihyun that Hyunwoo will cry first.”

Minhyuk snorts; of course they do. Minhyuk takes a step forward and Hyunwoo mirrors his movement. They meet in the middle of the landing and hold hands. Hyunwoo looks a little misty and Minhyuk gulps back any tears.

“Shall we,” Hyunwoo forces out, obviously bewildered and surprised and nervous. All the emotions Minhyuk is feeling. Hyungwon and Hoseok walk past them down the stairs and take their place on opposite sides of Kihyun who stands in front of a fireplace. Minhyuk and Hyunwoo follow down, the eyes of their friends and family on them. But Minhyuk barely notices them; all he is aware of is Hyunwoo’s hand in his.

The final chords play as they reach Kihyun who looks as overwhelmed as everyone else feels. He raises his hands and rests them on their shoulders, shakey smile taking over his face.

“Dearly beloved, and all that crap, we are gathered here today to celebrate the love that is best taken kneeling, the love between two men.” A snicker runs through the crowd. Minhyuk’s pretty sure he hears his mother mutter, “Disrespectful,” from her seat. Minhyuk giggles a little and squeezes Hyunwoo’s hand. God, Minhyuk is so happy right now. “Minhyuk and Hyunwoo have…a history. One that’s almost 20 years long. Their relationship could probably fuel a movie, if not a sitcom. There were a lot of twists, the biggest one was that Hyunwoo wasn’t straight at all.”

Another chuckle filters through the room and Hyunwoo smiles adoringly at Minhyuk. Minhyuk feels so happy and full. Kihyun looks at his two friends and smiles. Minhyuk smiles back and nods. Kihyun takes a deep breath and begins again, “Neither groom are particularly religious, so they decided they would read two poems, [“Love Neatly Folded” by Korean poet Yook Woo-dang](http://thethreewisemonkeys.com/2014/05/19/when-im-forbidden-ten-shijo-by-yook-woo-dang/) and [“Winter” by Timothy Liu.”](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/54514/winter-56d234f154b1f)

Kihyun hands them each their poems and they each take turns reading. By the time Hyunwoo finishes reading his, tears are slowly dripping down his face, voice cracking every so often. Minhyuk does his best to keep his voice steady, but he also ends up crying by the end of his reading as well. Kihyun pulls out the two ring boxes and Minhyuk’s nerves immediately come back to him.

“Now we come to the second most anticipated part of any wedding ceremony: The vows. These two decided they would write them themselves, so if you get bored, that’s totally on them.” Kihyun smirks at the offended expression on Minhyuk’s face before handing them their vows, neither one of them trusting themselves to remember to bring them down.

Minhyuk’s hands shake as he takes his into his hands. Hyunwoo has that look, the one he had the first time they ever hooked up, on his face, but this time Minhyuk isn’t worried. He’s sure he must look the same way.

“Minhyuk,” prompts Kihyun. Minhyuk nods and unfolds his paper.

“Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo Son. We met when we were 14 and I didn’t want to like you. I wanted to believe you were just a jock with bad fashion taste, but. But you convinced me to come to a band practice. And my life changed.

Hyunwoo. My person. My enabler and savior. You are everything I never knew I wanted in a partner and I am so, so grateful you realized you were into men before I gave up all hope.

I don’t need to worry if you’ll stick by me through thick and thin; you’ve already proven you will be. I know we’ll work together if we lose all our material shit because we already have. You saved my life, Hyunwoo, so many times over and I can’t begin to express how thankful I am that you’re in my life.

I love you, Hyunwoo Son. This ring represents my love, that it is eternal and yours.”

Minhyuk slips the ring onto Hyunwoo’s outstretched hand and he finally glances up at his almost-husband. Hyunwoo stares down at his hand, sniffling and crying before he looks up at Minhyuk. Minhyuk wipes a stray tear from his face and smiles at Hyunwoo.

“Hyunwoo?” Hyunwoo nods at Kihyun and holds his paper and ring, hands trembling. MInhyuk wishes he could hold them.

“Minhyuk. Loving you was never a question. I think--I was always in love with you, from that first meeting where you made a crack about my tacky jacket. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. I’ve always thought you were perfect, even when you were vomiting after too much of, well, everything.

I know you’ll say that I saved you, and while that’s _literally_ true, you saved me too. Whenever I ever doubted myself, whenever I wondered if I should even try to go on, you were there. You always knew when I needed you to just sit with me in the room or when to drag me out back into society. You’re my light at the end of the tunnel, as morbid as that sounds.

I’ll go wherever you go. You haven’t steered me wrong yet.

Minhyuk. Minhyukkie, my sweet angel. You’re my person. And my best friend. You may not be my everything, but you make life worth living. And that’s more than I ever expected from this life.

I love you, you obnoxiously beautiful man. This ring represents my love, that it is eternal and yours.”

Hyunwoo slips the ring onto Minhyuk’s finger and holds onto his hand, tears falling freely, more so than before. Minhyuk chokes on a sob and wipes some of them away. He can almost hear Wendy scolding him, but he doesn’t care. He is still a beautiful bride and no one can tell him otherwise.

When they look at Kihyun, their friend is also wiping his face with a tissue. “Alright, now that we’re all bawling, I think we can all agree that the moment we’ve all been waiting for is upon us. By the power power vested in me by the State of California, I pronounce you married. You may now kiss your husband.”

Minhyuk dives into Hyunwoo’s arms and kisses him deeply on the mouth. They part as the beginnings of “Friday I’m in Love” reach them. They raise their joined hands and walk back up the stairs, giggling and happy. They tumble into Minhyuk’s waiting room, waiting for Wendy to come in and help touch up their faces. Minhyuk stares at the ring on his finger. He hears Hyunwoo giggle deliriously and he looks up to look at his brand-new husband.

“I can’t believe we’re finally married,” Hyunwoo breathes out. His face glows from happiness and a bit from crying so much. Minhyuk’s smile spreads further.

“Me neither.” They both giggle and then Minhyuk is kissing Hyunwoo again. It’s not particularly sexy or sentimental since they both giggle and their teeth clack together, but that’s okay. Minhyuk is too happy to care.

“Oh god, save that for later,” comes Wendy’s voice. She grabs her kit and shooes them to the mirrors. “Okay, we’ve got time, drink some water and hold hands while I get you both touched up.”

Minhyuk and Hyunwoo stare at each other, giddiness reflected on both their faces as Wendy gets to work. Kihyun pops in to bring them snacks before they head down to the reception in the garden.

“You need to make sure you eat, at least a little,” Kihyun nags. “Too many people will come and say hi and _then_ how are you supposed to enjoy your wedding night.”

Minhyuk opens his mouth, joke at the ready-- “Do not say cocaine, Minhyuk Lee. That joke is still not funny.”

“Alright, I’ll accept that,” Minhyuk concedes. He picks at the food and feeds some to Hyunwoo. Kihyun gulps down some water and shakes his head.

“Honestly, I had read those vows beforehand but I didn’t think they’d make me so emotional,” Kihyun declares. He plops down on one of the sofas in the room. “I’m pretty sure everyone was crying. Like. Everyone.”

“Our love is pure and true,” Minhyuk sing-songs, gaze never leaving Hyunwoo’s. Hyunwoo giggles and presses a kiss to Minhyuk’s wedding ring. Kihyun gags and Wendy snorts.

“Your love is anything but pure.”

“But it’s true.” Minhyuk shoots a look at Kihyun, clearly trying to remind him that what he said is true. Kihyun rolls his eyes and leans further into his seat. Hoseok and Hyungwon stumble into the room, holding hands and giggling. Hoseok sniffles a little as Hyungwon wipes away a stray tear.

“Oh god, seriously, why am I always surrounded by disgusting couples?” Kihyun throws a napkin at them, but he’s smiling through his exaggerated grimace.

“Sounds like a you problem.” Hyungwon drops onto the same sofa as Kihyun and pulls Hoseok into his lap. Hoseok pokes Hyungwon in the side, causing him to squeak.

“Be nice. It’s not our fault Kihyunnie is as bitter as the coffee he loves.” Hoseok pinches Hyungwon’s cheek only to get an indignant whine from his boyfriend.

“So. Like milk?” Hyunwoo grins widely and Kihyun pouts. Minhyuk giggles and leans over to pat Kihyun’s knee.

“Don’t worry, Kihyunnie. You’ll find a nice young man who likes milk just as much as you.” Kihyun stares at his friends and shakes his head.

“I’m lactose intolerant? Also, what the fuck? _Milk_? This feels very much like some age play shit and I feel very uncomfortable with that.”

“We would never kinkshame you, Daddy,” Minhyuk says as innocently as he can muster before bursting into a cackle. Kihyun stands up and looks about ready to strangle Minhyuk right then and there, but instead stalks over to the door.

“I hate you. I’m going to see if they’re ready for us.” Kihyun’s ears are bright red as he walks through the door. He pokes his head back into the room and points accusingly at the couple. “I’m only being nice because it’s your wedding. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

Hoseok giggles and slides off Hyungwon’s lap and onto the vacated spot next to him. Minhyuk and Hyunwoo stare at their intertwined hands, smiles still in place, eyes still a little starry. Minhyuk can’t quite get over the reality.

“It hasn’t sunk in yet, has it?” Hoseok’s voice is soft as are his eyes. Hyungwon hooks his chin over Hoseok’s shoulder and threads his arms around the older man’s waist. Minhyuk glances over them, about to answer but Hyunwoo beats him to it.

“Not really, no. But I’m happy. And that’s all that matters at the moment.” Hyunwoo gives Minhyuk a kiss on the cheek before Minhyuk catches his husband’s chin between his thumb and pointer finger. Minhyuk places a long kiss on Hyunwoo’s lips and they both part with matching smiles.

Hyungwon scowls, “Gross.”

Kihyun pops back in and tells them that they’re ready for them. The rest of the reception passes in a blur of well wishes and champagne. It’s small, only their close friends and family in attendance, but that’s more than enough for Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. They’re never more than five feet from each other the whole night, both unwilling to part. At one point they escape to a quiet, dark corner to just slow dance and kiss.

“I’m so excited to start our forever,” whispers Hyunwoo into Minhyuk’s lips. Minhyuk sighs happily and pushes further into Hyunwoo’s warmth. He kisses Hyunwoo, savoring how it feels, giddy with the knowledge they will be doing this for the rest of their lives.

“Me too,” returns Minhyuk.

Hyunwoo is so warm, so light, radiating happiness and Minhyuk would follow him like a moth, even if it in time it might burn him. Minhyuk is so warm and so light and he wishes he could bottle this moment, if only so if there’s ever a moment of doubt they can remind each other of how it felt to sway in the cool August air, sounds of “SexyBack” barely reaching them from their hiding spot.

When they arrive in their hotel room, Minhyuk shoves Hyunwoo’s jacket off, kissing down his neck before Hyunwoo pushes him away, panting. “Wait. We--we can’t ruin the suits. The deposit.”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes and starts to gently take off Hyunwoo’s shirt, going unnecessarily slow. He smirks up at Hyunwoo’s increasingly annoyed face. He slowly pushes the shirt off and then makes a show of folding it. Minhyuk wraps his arms around Hyunwoo before pressing a kiss to his jawline. “Is this careful enough, hubby?”

Hyunwoo huffs, dropping his head towards his chest, forehead resting on Minhyuk’s shoulder. Minhyuk starts kissing down all the skin, loving how Hyunwoo’s grip tightens and releases whenever he does something Hyunwoo likes. When Minhyuk is on his knees, he runs a hand up Hyunwoo’s bare chest and smiles.

“Well, isn’t this familiar,” Hyunwoo teases. He runs his fingers through Minhyuk’s deflating hair. Minhyuk hums, hands holding Hyunwoo’s ass through his slacks. “You gunna ask me to fuck your face again, Minhyukkie? Just like the first time?”

Minhyuk hums, fingers now playing with the slight bulge beneath Hyunwoo’s zipper. “Maybe if you ask nicely, kitten.”

Hyunwoo threads his fingers in Minhyuk’s hair and pulls him back up to kiss him hungrily. Minhyuk growls and gets to work on his own shirt, disregarding Hyunwoo’s warnings not to wrinkle them. Once he’s rid of his own shirt, he pulls off Hyunwoo’s belt and pants, only parting from Hyunwoo’s lips when necessary.

Minhyuk shoves Hyunwoo onto the petal covered bed and straddles him. Hyunwoo’s already half-hard and it sends a shiver down Minhyuk’s spine. Hyunwoo looks up at Minhyuk like he holds the whole universe in his small body. Minhyuk slots their cocks next to each other and quivers when Hyunwoo moans.

“I wanna fuck you,” Minhyuk says into Hyunwoo’s skin. His hands roam eagerly over his husband’s torso. “Do you want me to fuck you, kitten?”

Hyunwoo sits up and kisses Minhyuk, nipping gently at his lips. “I want nothing more.”

MInhyuk grins, all teeth and starlight before rushing over to their luggage. He digs through it before pulling out the large bottle of lube they packed. He settles into the space between Hyunwoo’s thighs, draping himself over his husband and kissing him again.

“I’m gunna fuck you so hard, kitten,” Minhyuk breathes, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice. Hyunwoo giggles and ruts into where their bodies are pressed together. Minhyuk sighs happily and extracts himself from Hyunwoo’s hold. He gives the hard cock in front of him a few harsh tugs to distract Hyunwoo from the finger he’s about to slip in.

Hyunwoo opens his thighs, spreading himself for Minhyuk. Minhyuk leans into one thigh and sucks the flesh into his mouth as his finger circles Hyunwoo’s rim. Once Hyunwoo can’t stop wiggling beneath him, Minhyuk gives him what he wants. He gently moves his finger in and out, contrasting to the sharp bites Minhyuk leaves on the inside of Hyunwoo’s thighs. Minhyuk lets himself get carried away in marking up his husband.

“Minhyukkie. Please. Please, I'm ready.” Hyunwoo’s voice is high and needy, with more than a little desperation. Minhyuk loves when he sounds like that. He ignores his plea for just a few more moments; instead of pulling his fingers out, he presses against Hyunwoo’s prostate. Hyunwoo jolts and cries out, hands tugging hard at the sheets. “Minhyuk, I'm _begging, please._ ”

Minhyuk finally relents and sits back on his heels, one leg thrown over his arm. He lines his dick up to Hyunwoo’s entrance and slowly presses in. He’s entranced by the way Hyunwoo immediately reacts: eyes squeezed shut and mouth dropping open in a moan. Minhyuk goes slow and doesn’t give into his desire to just bury himself deep within his husband. They may be excited and in a celebratory mood, but Hyunwoo’s comfort is still paramount. That, and Minhyuk loves how Hyunwoo twitches with each deliberate and unhurried push into him.

“Minhyuk,” comes the sharp reprimand when Minhyuk stops, not even half sheathed inside of Hyunwoo. Minhyuk giggles, the sound completely out of place with the situation.

“Patience, baby. I’m just admiring you.” Minhyuk leans over Hyunwoo and pulls him into a kiss. When Hyunwoo responds, Minhyuk pushes until his pelvis meets Hyunwoo’s ass. Hyunwoo whines into Minhyuk’s mouth as his hips jerk. Minhyuk shushes him, hands running up and down his husband’s sides. “I love you, Mr. Lee.”

“I’d love you more, Mr. Son, if you fucked me,” Hyunwoo whispers, nipping playfully at Minhyuk’s lips.

The younger man’s face spreads into a wicked grin. Minhyuk pulls his hips back and kisses Hyunwoo’s throat, right over his Adam’s apple. “I think I can do that.”

Minhyuk decides to not go slow. He sets a steady pace, not too fast, but not too slow either. He’s tired of teasing and he knows Hyunwoo is too. Minhyuk adjusts the leg he’s holding so when he bends forward to cage Hyunwoo in, it stretches to the side, giving his hips more room to move. “Is that good kitten? Am I fucking you well enough yet?”

“Ugh, fuck, more,” Hyunwoo cries out. He can barely keep his eyes open and Minhyuk feels dizzy. He starts moving his hips faster, putting as much power as he can behind each thrust. Minhyuk shifts his weight onto one arm so he can reach between their bodies and take Hyunwoo’s cock in hand. He tries to stroke at the same pace as his thrusts, but Minhyuk knows he’s already close. All the emotions from the day crawl up through his gut and force something between a sob and a moan out of Minhyuk’s mouth.

Minhyuk hears Hyunwoo’s keen before he tightens impossibly around Minhyuk, forcing his orgasm to tear through him. Hyunwoo whimpers as they both twitch as they come down from their climaxes. Minhyuk nuzzles into Hyunwoo’s neck.

“Are you crying?”

“What?” Minhyuk lifts head up and looks at Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo gently lifts a hand to Minhyuk’s face and wipes away a tear. “Oh. I guess I am.”

“Are they--uh, are they happy tears?” Hyunwoo continues to cup Minhyuk’s face. Minhyuk smiles when he realizes Hyunwoo has a few lingering tears as well. He brushes them away with a thumb and they just stare into each other’s for a while, Hyunwoo’s question forgotten.

“I’m so glad you realized you liked dudes,” Minhyuk whispers. Hyunwoo giggles. There’s drying cum leaking out starting to trickle down where Minhyuk’s thigh is still pressed in between Hyunwoo’s legs, but neither care. Not when they’re so warm and content.

“Me too.” Hyunwoo kisses Minhyuk’s nose and then shifts to grab a bottle of water from the bedside table. “Oh fuck.”

“What now?” Minhyuk tries to burrow into Hyunwoo’s side, all energy gone.

“Minhyuk look at the sheets.”

Minhyuk whines and shakes his head. Hyunwoo laughs and shakes him a bit. “Minhyukkie, _look_. You’ll love it.”

Minhyuk sighs and cracks open an eye. And then cackles. He sits up and stares at Hyunwoo’s equally amused expression. All around them, wherever there were petals, the sheets are now stained red. “I bet your back matches the sheets.”

Hyunwoo laughs and pulls Minhyuk back into his arms. “Do you think housekeeping will be mad?”

“About the petals? Nah. The mess dripping from your asshole? Probably.” Minhyuk pressed his thigh to Hyunwoo’s soft cock, making his husband squeal and protest.

“Then clean me up and lets sleep, Mr. Son.”

“How about a kiss first, Mr. Lee?”

“If you insist.”

When Hyunwoo kisses him, Minhyuk knows what he always knew with Hyunwoo: that everyday is a new day and every new day will be good because he has Hyunwoo by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip im still shit at writing endings.
> 
> i hope this was as fluffy and sweet and lovely a final chapter as i hoped it would be. i had a lot of fun writing it and frequently had to take cringe breaks because Romantic Emotions™ are Not Things I Am Good At. i consulted two (2) married couples for the wedding bits, especially the vows so hopefully they're sufficiently sappy and emotional.
> 
> the line about the 'love that is best taken kneeling' is by my king homo himself, oscar wilde.
> 
> do read the poems mentioned in this chapter. yook woo-dang is an amazing lgbtq+ korean poet who wrote extensively on being gay in korea in the 80s and 90s. timothy liu is an awesome chinese american poet who also writes about the lgbtq+ experience!

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on your local trashsites: [twitter](https://twitter.com/swsonyeondan) or [tumblr](http://seonweon-sonyeondan.tumblr.com/ask)


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